MackAttack

No Vacancy Up Top

2012-01-30T14:01:00.000-05:00

I know it is going to sound utterly stupid but sometimes I think to myself "what is on my mind?" I know, right? I mean why am I asking myself about what it is that I am thinking about. Okay, circular logic behind me now. Here are the things that have kept occupying my mind lately.

My kids, obviously. Sometimes I wonder and worry about them and their various issues. Lyman is a super smart kid and I love him to bits. Sometimes his intelligence intimidates me because I know someday (and not too far off in the future) he is going to know way more than me. I'm not worried exactly that he is smarter than me because I know he is. But ultimately somehow I worry that it will make it difficult for him to see the value in the things that I do know - what is really important in life and how he can become a valuable person not just a valuable mind. I also worry that he is too much like the both of us. He has Andrew's way of thinking (and abundance of brain cells) - which should do him great good if he can only manage my side of his genetics. He is far too social and loves to entertain people. This means that in school, although he is performing significantly above his peers, his reports say he does not stay on task or use his time wisely. Why? Because he is busy entertaining his friends while they do their work. He is a great favorites at school for which I am glad but it still worries me. You would think that seeing yourself in your kids would be gratifying but in this case, I rather wish he could put off being so social - at least until his work is done.

I worry about Corilynn because I cannot seem to motivate the girl to leave off with having accidents of both types and she is five. I would like to say that my concern for her stems from wanting her to succeed in this area but really if I am being honest - I want her to stop having accidents because it embarrasses me that I have a five year old that still wets and soils her pants occasionally. I am terrified really that she will get to kindergarten (in just a few short months!!) and still have these issues. I feel like a terrible person and mother for thinking of myself and my own embarrassment in this. I have tried everything and the fact of the matter is that she simply doesn't care - it doesn't bother her. You can all leave messages with encouragement, advice and the like and the fact is - Ive tried it all and she really doesn't care. Until such a time that she finds it is important to her - I have to accept that it will not change. Thankfully it is not everyday or really that regularly but it is regularly enough to be on my mind. Furthermore, part of me does worry about her sweet little tender heart becoming embarrassed at school if it happens there. She is not like Lyman (who seems to be able to let things roll off his back) she is tender and good natured and thinks no ill of anyone. I hate to think she may be made fun of and have this rosy vision of the world around her be shaken.

Ruby - I don't worry much about her - she is still too young to give me much grief except for the two year old tantrums. Though occasionally I do worry about how little she eats at times. She is just such a tiny little thing but getting her to eat is occasionally a monumental task.

Another thing on my mind is the progress of my book. For many months before Christmas we were working feverishly on the editing. Back and forth we sent the chapters to each other (my editor, Gail and I) until each chapter was as perfect as we could wish it. Then when all twenty were finished we sent the entire manuscript back and forth almost 10 times. It was a flurry of activity and excitement. The improvements to the book were amazing and still the book remained my own work. It was a process I thoroughly enjoyed because I was active, busy and watching my own work become something beautiful. When we finally finished the editing we handed it off to the second editor. It will be looked over by her to see if we might have missed anything. She also happens to be my cover artist. That was late December. It is now nearly February and I am told I am in queue to start the cover art. Being in queue sort of stinks, if you ask my opinion. It means I went from a whirlwind of activity and excitement to cooling my heels doing nothing without any idea as to when we might start work again. When the cover artist is ready for me, we will begin work on the cover. Until that time I have to wait. I am finding that publishing a book is the most exciting and boring thing in the world. It takes much longer than you expect.

Okay, I think I have nearly emptied my cranium. But one more thing - I have been thinking a lot on my upcoming anniversary in August. Andy and I will be celebrating ten years together. 10 YEARS! We have been saving up money for a couple of years now to do something really big with it. We wanted to go to England and we may still but the Olympics this summer is a little off putting for us. Nothing like celebrating your love in what could possibly a world target for terrorism. So we have thought about a cruise of the Mediterranean. Nothing like celebrating your love Titanic style either. Hhmph! We do not know what we will do but it is rather exciting to dream a little about it. Maybe we will go somewhere really exciting like... Detroit.

Thankful Thursday

2012-01-26T17:15:00.000-05:00

I am thankful my super cute kids and regency movies on cold afternoons. :)

I'll Thank You

2012-01-24T10:04:00.000-05:00

My faith has been on the examination table pretty much from its inception. In the early years opposers to it used sticks and stones, guns and threats (societal and political) to beat, drive and expel members from their region of America, an America founded upon principles of religious freedom. Leaders of my faith were torn from their beds in the dead of winter, stripped of their clothing and tarred and feathered. Driven from place to place, members faithfully held to their beliefs despite persecution.

My entire life, my faith has been a source of amusement, curiosity and sometimes derision from those around me. I remember being on the elementary bus and being asked if Mormons had horns, or could only use blue toilet paper (hint: the answer is no and no). As I got older, the questions, or assumptions were often less fantastical in nature. As a teen, I attended church with a friend of another faith once and while we waited for the rest of his family to gather after their various Sunday school lessons, I happened to notice the pamphlet wall. Much to my amusement (and disappointment) right next to the pamphlet about "Safe Sex for Teenagers", was the one brightly entitled "The Evils of Mormonism." I was at least relieved that members of that faith could learn how to avoid unwanted pregnancies, STDs and Mormons without going very far. If I had not already gained a testimony, I could have been offended, instead of being merely diverted. By that time anti-Mormon propaganda was nothing new to me.

The truth of the matter is that man's search for meaning and truth did not start with Joseph Smith in the spring of 1820. The early Christians experienced worse degradations because of their belief than I could ever imagine (and hope never to experience). Men throughout history have looked at their faith, questioned it and sometimes decided it did not fulfill all they wished for in their search for truth. Martin Luther dared to question the Holy Roman Empire and the Roman Catholic Church, unknowingly starting a fraction of believers naming themselves after him. Thus Lutherans were born. John Wesley (and others) parted from the Church of England to form the Methodist church. Even the Church of England parted ways with the Catholic church for doctrinal differences (and a few more). All in all, man's search for truth endures to this day. There is something inherent in mankind to strive to understand the inconceivable, to find higher purpose and meaning in their existence. I thank these early men for following their convictions. Without them, American could not have been founded by good, principled people wishing for the freedom to explore, practice and live their preferred religious beliefs.

As an adult, the critics of my faith have used terms like cult to describe the Mormon faith. I have been told I am not a Christian and that we are all blind sheep, unaware that the Mormon Train's final destination is hell. Its sad really, considering I have never looked upon my friends of other faiths and felt similarly about their beliefs. I know so many faithful and loving Christians of other faiths that have accepted me and mine as well. I believe the majority of us respect each other's right to believe what they feel is right. My experience with those who appose my faith has been slim compared to the positive interactions I have had with members of other faiths. But with the recent media attention on my faith because of the candidates (and the documented religious bigotry associated with it) I cannot help but feel the need to share and testify regarding my faith. If only in the hope of dissolving some of that prejudice.

I testify that I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. He is the Savior of all mankind and the foundation of my faith (religiously and personally). I, likewise, know that the Bible AND the Book of Mormon are true scripture and the word of God. I know that if a man wished to know the truth of these things, he need only to read the Book of Mormon, pray with a sincere heart, with real intent to know the truth and God will reveal the truth of it unto him. I believe that Joseph Smith was a true prophet in his day and that we have a living prophet today that leads this church. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He revealed things unto his prophets in the world of the Old and New Testament. He reveals his word still, through a prophet. I know exactly what I am about when I faithfully adhere to the principles of my religion. I will faithfully defend others' right to do likewise with their faith as well. I don't appreciate the assumption (and degradation) that my testimony is merely a shadow of my parents. I am neither blind nor a sheep following without thought the course of my religion. I believe and I'll thank you to remember it.

I said it.

2012-01-23T08:33:00.000-05:00

To Lyman: "The umbrella's effectiveness significantly lessons when you do not hold it right side up and over your head."
Context: It is pouring rain outside and he is holding the umbrella either to the side of him and spinning it or upside down over his head creating a bowl to collect the water while waiting for the bus.

To Ruby: "No! Do not pour your cereal out all over the floor!"
Context: She decided the cereal she chose and was eating was no longer what she wanted - she wanted a different kind.
Additional Context: Corilynn told her to.

To Coriynn: "You do not tell your sister to pour out her cereal. Now, you get to help her clean it up."
Context: See above.

To Ruby: "Yucky, you have lots of boogers. Can you get Mommy a tissue?"
Context: Kids hate wiping their noses but if you trick them into feeling big by helping you get the tissue, you can sometimes trap them.

To Ruby (2 minutes later): "Oh, that isn't a tissue. That is a towel."
Context: She brought me a kitchen towel. Fantastic.

To me, from Corilynn: "Mom, when am I going to get breakfast?"
Context: I have no idea, she is in her own little world. She just finished her breakfast of milk and oatmeal.

To Corilynn: "You just finished eating breakfast."
To me, from Corilynn: "Oh, yeah! ha ha ha."

To Me, from Me: "Is it only 8 in the morning? I want to go back to bed."

Thankful Thursday

2012-01-19T08:33:00.000-05:00

We finished the editing on my book, Falling For Mr. Darcy, a few weeks ago, days after Christmas. The next step, I was told, was the cover art and a final inspection from another editor. I was eager to start that but then I had heard nothing for a long while. I am thankful that I have news on that front, finally.

I was told that I am in queue for the cover artist (who is also going to be my second editor) but that she has one maybe two books ahead of mine. Bummer. So although I know where we are at (I'm naming it the waiting phase) I still do not know if I am looking at weeks or worse to start the cover art. I hope much sooner. I felt like the editing was a whirlwind of activity and then....nothing.

On another literary note: I submitted my second novel, Bluebells in the Mourning, for publication last month as well. I have since learned they have received it and it is under review. Well, the waiting phase has started on that account as well, I guess. :) Wish me luck on both accounts!

Thankful Thursday

2012-01-12T18:06:00.000-05:00

I am thankful that my littlest girl still fits snugly in the crook of my arm. Nothing feels better than when her little head leans back and she snuggles in to it like her own little lazy boy recliner. I also love that she does this often.

Every Mother Wonders

2012-01-09T08:09:00.001-05:00

Every mother wonders if their child will turn out alright.

When you have to ask them to stop (sometimes quite firmly) making gaseous noises with their hand in their armpit, their arm flapping up and down (thanks Dad for teaching him that) at the dinner table - you wonder.

When you have to remind them to flush the toilet and wash their hands and close the door and keep the seat clean, and lower the seat and... and... and... - you wonder.

When you have to play rescuer to your daughters because he purposely pushes their buttons (repeatedly and with enthusiasm) - you wonder.

When you are sick with the stomach flu for the whole weekend and you wake up Monday morning and he brings this to your bedside (and quickly runs away embarrassed) -

- You don't wonder as much anymore. Best. Note. Ever.

Thankful Thursday

2012-01-05T18:00:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for snuggles with my girls. I love it when they give me snuggles on the couch when they first wake up or when they just want to be near me. Sometimes I get that mother claustrophobia with all my kids clamoring to be in proximity of my person, but when it comes to the snuggles- I never feel smothered.

I am also thankful for love notes from Corilynn. Everyday when I pick her up from preschool she has an envelope for me and inside she wrote me a love note. The envelopes are pretty packed with decorations of stickers or stamps but inside it usually says simply, "I {heart} U MOM." But everyday she chooses to go to the letters station instead of doing something else and it warms my heart that she thinks of me.

Happy Birthday Charlotte!

2012-01-04T13:22:00.000-05:00

Today is my sort-of daughter's birthday. Our exchange student, Charlotte, turns 17 today. It's such a fun age to be. We are so grateful to have her in our home and part of our family. She fits in splendidly. During the time she has been in our home she has come to feel very much like a daughter to us. In some ways she is more - she is a dear friend as well.

Snow White

2012-01-02T08:53:00.001-05:00

Last evening we received news of the unexpected and premature death of a friend's son. When Andy told me I was so stunned. My mind could only process my feeble protest at the news. My heart immediately going to my friend (who has had to endure more heartache in her life than any one aught to in this life having lost her husband tragically a few years ago as well). As I slowly began to accommodate the truth in my mind, all I could think of and wish for was to comfort my friend. I felt helpless and lost. This boy was special to our family. My son used to idolize him when the family lived here before their move. It didn't matter that he was 8 years older than Lyman. My son didn't seem to realize he was not just as big. The only thing I could think of doing at that moment that I knew would help was to call together my family and offer up a prayer for theirs. As we gathered around each other to pray, Andy told the kids who had died. Our humble prayer was the only thing we could offer for comfort for his mother and sisters. And yet I knew it would be enough. I know that Heavenly Father was with them during this difficult time. I knew that he would comfort and keep them.

Afterwards, Lyman was saddened and wished to curl up in a ball on my lap for a very long time. I held him and rocked him and wished I would never need to let him go. I was so grateful for my children, so grateful to have them with me. The rest of the evening my thoughts and prayers were constantly on my friend and her family. I could not keep myself from continuously praying for them. I could easily put myself in her shoes and the hurt and pain I imagined she was suffering would bring me to my knees again.

This morning I awoke with the same sympathies and cares for my friend weighing down my heart and mind. I offered up another prayer on her behalf. When I looked out the window I saw that the snow was falling. Falling and covering the ground with a beautiful white for the first time this season in Ohio. It was coming down in big, fat flakes making everything a pure, spotless white. I cried a prayer of gratitude for the snow, not because I was grateful for the precipitation but because the beauty outside reminded me of the tremendous power of the atonement of Christ to wash away all the ugly and sad in our lives. To make everything white and pure and beautiful again. No more shadows or dark places. I was so thankful at that moment for the knowledge that Jesus died also to endure and know our sorrows. I was thankful again for the knowledge that as alone as I can imagine my friend feels, she is not alone at all.

Thankful Thursday

2011-12-29T12:53:00.000-05:00

On this, the last Thursday of the year, I would like to say that I am most thankful for my wonderful family. We are a bunch of nuts, but none of us or those lame peanuts - we are the deluxe mix.

Abraham Lincoln Museum

2011-12-26T12:10:00.001-05:00

There are a few people on my list from history that I would like to sit down to dinner with. Abraham Lincoln is one of them. The more I learn about him and what a monumental influence on this country he was, the more I am in awe of that great man. I am convinced that without his inspired leadership we would not be the country we are today - whole and free. While in Illinois visiting my sister, we drove down to Springfield to the museum there. If we had the time we could have done a lot more in that town - including touring his house, and seeing his tomb. But we spent about 6 hours alone in the museum and we could have easily spent a bit longer.

There were so many wonderful historical items and the museum did a great job at making the life of Abraham Lincoln real to you. There were a couple of things that really were must sees there. First, they had a four minute long video that played on a loop through one of the sections of the museum. It was a graphic that showed a map of the United States with the South and North split as they were during the war. The front line would change and curve and move as the graphic went along the years of the Civil War. As it went along you saw where the battles were and where the South advanced and ultimately how the North slowly won the war. The really solemn thing was the graphic in the corner of the large screen. It was the death toll count for the North and South as the war progressed. It was quite moving, and very humbling. The room was quite with reverence as the song of the video played and the death toll rose. It ended with over 1.3 million lives lost combined. I had never realized it was so many and my gratitude for all those lives lost was tremendous. Regardless of what side those men fought on - they fought for their values, fought for their belief in the rightness of their cause, and they died as a legacy to their convictions.

It was also a honor as a parent to get to explain what the video was showing to my son. It was one of those moments in a parent's life where you are sad you have to tell them anything so horrible ever happened but proud to share with them a part of their own legacy - won so many years ago on various battlefields across the country - and how blessed they are to live in such a wonderful country. A country where men freely give their lives to fight for the freedom we enjoy. I never take pleasure in exposing my son to the harsh realities of life or history, but I do take pride in the way he reverenced what he was taught and how he grew proud of his country in that moment. It was also a honor to know that some of my ancestors fought in that war. I thought of them as I watched the map around Pennsylvania.

Another neat part of the museum was a fun 3D movie that was unlike any other we ever experienced. You didn't need glasses because the 3D was done one various screens. But I still do not understand how they did some of it because at one point we had a real person behind the glass talking and then he disappeared. It was fantastically done and also very cool to watch.

Below is the family posing with the Lincolns - we're real tight.

The children's part of the museum was very well done too. Lots of dress up, make believe in log cabins (Corilynn's favorite - playing cook in the cabin) and of course, Lincoln Logs.

Charlotte takes a moment to talk with one of the historical figures at the museum.

Here we are with Abe and Mary Lincoln.

Overall, it was a fantastic day and a wonderful memory of a family outing. God Bless America!

Christmas at Donna's House

2011-12-25T12:35:00.000-05:00

For days before we left, Ruby was eagerly telling everyone we were going to "Nonna's house." And we were all very excited to go. It is always nice for me to get to visit with family and see them. After we were to spend Christmas with Donna we were also going to get to see my other sister, Betsy, in Indiana.

Christmas there was like living on a cloud. It is so comfortable and fun to be there - the kids play nice and the parents do too! Of course, the reason for the season is to celebrate Christ's birth and it was fun to join in with the Cummings' tradition of acting out the nativity from the scriptures. The kids had great fun doing it and enlisted the missionaries (who came for dinner) to help too. Lyman starred as both the Roman soldier reading the "decree from Ceaser Agustus" that the world should be taxed, as well as one of the three kings. Corilynn was the angel that visited the sheppards and the "new star." Ruby was going to play the baby Jesus but they couldnt get her to stay put - so she was an audience member. Charlotte was behind the scenes and worked the lights. It was a major production!

Here comes Mary and Joseph (Camee and Jesse).

The angel appears to the shepards (Jared and one of the missionaries).

Mary and Joseph with the new babe in the stable.

Here comes the three kings bringing gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh (gold wrapped Christmas crackers, a large pepper grinder and a stick of Old Spice deodorant).

You can see our new star (she should be pointing it at the audience but obviously she is a bit distracted).

The whole cast and crew - Kayla read the story from the scriptures. Bonus for the reader of this blog - Mary is shown here both pregnant and with Baby Jesus in Joseph's arms. Another Chrsitmas mircacle?

Another Cummings' tradition: age shaped pancakes on your birthday. It wasn't Andy's but shortly after Christmas it was Jared's. He got a 15. Andy asked Dave to make him a 34 in Roman numerals. It turned out pretty awesome.

Its a miracle!

2011-12-19T12:03:00.000-05:00

I took Ruby to the doctors today for her 2 yr well child check and she jumped in her weight from the 2nd percentile (where she has remained for most of her life) to the 10th! YAY! Now I wont be reported to the Department of Child and Family Services anytime soon. ::wink:: And now hopefully they wont be on my case so much about how little she is despite her above average level of development, high food consumption and normal activity levels. They wont keep warning me that she might be "failure to thrive" now despite those things too!

Also, I was reading my mom's Christmas letters from the past 40 years (she compiled them and gave us a book) and I found that from at least age 3, I wore the same size clothes as my younger sister. So at 3 yrs old I wore 18 month clothing. From there on we still wore the same clothes. So take that doctors! I was a little kid too! And when you combine that to Andy's genetics (he disappears if he turns sideways) I think we have solved the "failure to thrive" mystery.

Thankful Thursday

2011-12-15T08:22:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for the good people in my life.

Corilynn's Preschool Concert

2011-12-14T11:47:00.002-05:00

Corilynn had a preschool concert and it was super cute to see all of them singing (even if you could not understand what they were saying). We chose to sit in the way back balcony and had to use our superhero zoom lens with the camera - so unfortunately all of the photos came back with zombie eyes. But she was cute.

We all held up I love you signs and when she found us I was lucky enough to catch this one.

Corilynn with her teachers Miss Joyce and Miss Mary.

Cack Peese!

2011-12-13T11:53:00.000-05:00

Ruby could not wait until she got to have some cack (cake) for her birthday. Despite her feral hair, she still looks adorable.

One of her presents from Grandma Mackrory was a beautiful Rapunzel doll, then at Christmas (which we opened early since we will be going to Illinois) she got her own dress up to match. She pretty much lives in that dress now.

Charlotte got her some bottles for her dolls but she seems to think they are for her.

Also from our early Christmas is this beautiful flower hair bow from Cousin Brielle and Aunt Kristen. Thanks!!

My Baby

2011-12-12T17:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Ruby,

Someday, you are going to ask me what you were like at as a little girl. I would like to think that my memory will always serve me adequately when that time comes and that I will remember every exquisite moment of your childhood so that I might share them with you. But, as much as it saddens me, I have to assume that I will not always remember the things I would wish to share with you. (Probably because you will learn one day when you are a mom that for every brain cell you cultivate in your children, you lose one of your own.) For such a day as today - your second birthday - I would like to write a few things about you, to remember you the way you are now - for both of our future selves.

Ruby, you are one of the most fascinating children I have ever met. You are delicate, feminine and fearless at the same time. You love animals, no matter what kind. You love bugs and are not afraid of anything creepy or crawly. First thing you say when you see a bug is "hold it!" When you see animals you want to pet them and feed them and nurture them. When you father took you to see some ponies that were near a fence by our house last week, you came up to the fence and called to them "hey, guys! Come, here!" You love to be clean, though. You do not like to have your hands dirty and ask for them to be "all clean" whenever they get smudged with something. You love princess dresses and in your mind all dresses (from play dresses to church dresses to pj dresses) are princess dresses. You love to pull kitchen towels about your waist and make your own princess dress. You love anything girly and pretty.

Your hair is a nightmare! It grows in all directions and can hardly be tamed. It is a soft blond and is still quite feather soft and wispy. If we do not pull it back, it falls in your eyes. Your father will not hear of cutting it to give you bangs. He thinks it will make you look to grown up. I think he may be right. But we cannot keep you from growing (much to our chagrin) - you speak more words everyday. My favorite is how you say your own name - "Eebee."

You love to snuggle and give hugs and kisses to all your family. You have always been very keen to the love of your family. You are happiest when we are all home and together. you protest quite angrily if we do not remember to thank Heavenly Father for Mommy when we help you with your prayers (Thank you, dear!). You are eager for Lyman, Charlotte (you call her Char Char) and Daddy to come each day. You love to spend hours snuggling your big Danish sister and hanging out with her in her room while she gets her hair and make up ready. You knock on her door and wait expectantly for her to let you in. In fact, with most things in this life, you simply trust that you will get what you want without objection. When you do not get your way - you display an impressive amount of objection with a passionate temper.

You love chocolate. What girl doesn't? You insist on chocolate milk and pull the chocolate syrup from the fridge whenever the door is open. You named your stuffed monkey "Chock - it." You are our baby and we spoil you frequently.

You are so sweet to your family members. If Corilynn cries, you rush to her and give her a hug. You don't always understand why someone is upset but you are always quick to give them comfort.

There are so many wonderful and delightful things about you, Ruby. As your mother, I am so blessed to have you. I cannot believe my baby is two today. I love you little Ruby Dubes.

Love, Mommy

Ruby dressed as a King from at the nativity exhibit in Kirtland. They had a kids section with nativity dress ups. She quite loved the toy baby Jesus and the little stuffed lambs.

Kirtland

2011-12-10T13:05:00.001-05:00

We went as a family up to the Nativity exhibit in Kirtland this weekend. They had hundreds of nativities there from all over the world. I love nativities and so it was really a treat for me and everyone else agreed to go. I love seeing all the nativities from all over the world and I took tons of pictures of the ones I liked best. In the kids' section there was dress up clothes. Corilynn is pictured here as Mary.

Ruby is a wiseman (baby) who thought she was a Shepard because she loved the stuffed sheep.

Lyman was a wiseman too.

Here are all three wisemen. Ruby holds the baby Jesus toy.

Here is Joseph and Mary. Mary's pregnant tummy looks a bit unnatural.

After all the fun we had time enough to tour the N.K. Whitney store. It was wonderful.

Thankful Thursday

2011-12-08T20:59:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for the opportunity I have had this past week to read through my edited manuscript Even though I have read each chapter a bazillion times while we edited them over the past several months, it has been a long time since I got to sit down and read the entire thing fluidly. I am supposed to be looking for any mistakes that need corrected or changes I want to make. What I found more often (though I did find some corrections still - it seems the process is never over!) is that I came across parts of the book that I had forgotten were there - special scenes, lines, moments. They have made me chuckle, swoon and smile. It is fun to read them again and remember "the good times" of when I first created those parts. I am getting really excited for this book. It's been fun to see the final version come out. It's not a different story, it's the same, but it is better than before. Gail (my editor) is fantastic and I have really enjoyed this process. The only scary part is now that the editing part is winding down, it means I am getting that much closer to being finished. It means any stranger off the street will be able to read it and there is a feeling of exposure that goes along with that. There will be those who will not like it and some that will like it (hopefully more than the meanyheads that don't). Either way, praise or censure is a bit daunting to me. Oh well, at least I know I can trust my mom to write me a good review on Amazon. :)

Birthday Festivities

2011-12-02T12:56:00.001-05:00

Corilynn sports her new ballerina outfit for her birthday.

I cannot believe my little girl needs 5 candles on her cake.

A little look at our pretty Christmas tree this year. I love this season.

Happy Birthday Corilynn!

2011-12-01T12:44:00.001-05:00

Today is my sweet little girl's birthday. What more could I be thankful for on this Thursday than for her arrival in our family? They all say it - "I remember when she was born...." and I do - her birth (like the others) was very indicative of her personality. While Lyman's was long-suffering, and Ruby's was fast and bossy, Corilynn was my baby that came quiet and serene. She is my daughter that is everything loving, quiet, peaceful and warm. She is five today and a whole hand big.

So five things I could learn from my daughter are:
1: The art of being a wallflower. Corilynn never puts herself forward to be first, or to be showcased. She is content being the happy supporter in everyone else's plans. While, she does not hide her talents, she is not boastful or flashy. She is humble.

2. Contentment. Corilynn is always happy with what she gets. She doesnt question if her brother gave her the smaller half, or the inferior play toy. She is happy with what she has in life and never asks more of anyone. She is incredibly grateful for even the smallest things and always shows her delight in the little things in her life.

3. Observer. Corilynn is a great observationalist. Because she does not push herself forward in social situations, she is great at watching others. She always has the cutest (and usually very astute) observations about life, others and herself.

4. Self-worth. Corilynn does not believe herself to be smart, talented, or beautiful - she knows it. But because she is humble it only adds to her contentment with life. When she looks in the mirror you can see that she approves of herself. She does not see her 1 inch bangs (self inflicted) or her mis-matched clothing (also self inflicted). She sees a beautiful little girl.

5. Clear vision. Now this one is not a wish to have better eyes like when I was a child. This one is about Corilynn's ability to look at everyone around her and see the best. She sees people the way God sees them. I have never heard her say anything mean about anyone, even her brother (who frequently drives her crazy). Her prayers always include the prophet, her primary teacher and a thanks that she got to play with her brother or sister that day. She never does anything for her own benefit - it is always for others - to make them happy (with a note, a picture or a hug).

We are grateful that five years ago today, our little Corilynn Olivia, came quietly into this world.

Date with Daddy

2011-11-29T09:58:00.000-05:00

Andrew took Corilynn on a little date on Saturday. They dressed up and he took her to see The Nutcracker in Akron. From start to finish it was a fantastical day for her and she came back showing us all the best ballerina moves. It is a good thing, then, that she is getting a ballerina outfit and shoes for her birthday.

The fancy theatre they went to. It had light effects to give the ceiling a star scape and moving clouds.

Pictures with a few of the cast.

There was also a huge display of gingerbread houses made by a local dentist. Some of them were simply amazing.

A few things...

2011-11-28T10:09:00.000-05:00

...I hope my kids never grow out of.

Pronouncing ornament as ordament
Pronouncing granola as ganola
Rolling their eyes at me when I do something silly, but laughing uncontrollably anyways
Crawling into my bed for a snuggle (this one I know happens...)
Wanting to tell me all about their day, even if I was right there.

Thankful Thursday

2011-11-24T09:31:00.002-05:00

On this most thankful of Thursday - I would like to say that I am most thankful for my family. I love my husband and cannot think of any time in my life when I have been more satisfied, content or blissfully happy as I am with him, right now. And everyday it gets better! I love my kids, each of them individually and for different reasons. I love our adopted daughter, Charlotte. What she means to this family is difficult to put into words but it can be said that she is a blessing to us. We are glad that she is here. I love my extended family and am grateful that today I can spend with my brother and his family. It is always a blessing to be able to enjoy the holidays with family.

Charlotte and Misha were put in charge of the table decorations. Here it is in process. The final product turned out so pretty. They did a fantastic job.

It is always Happy Thanksgiving when you are surrounded by family.

If you Give a Mom a Chore...

2011-11-21T10:53:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning loath to start the list of "to do's" that I had to prepare for Thanksgiving and guests (yay!). I wanted, rather, to read a book. (Yes, it is another P and P spin off that I found. I know what you are thinking. "How does she keep finding those?" The answer is, I don't know.) So, I decided that at least I could get my sheets in the washer. Then I could say I was doing laundry AND reading. That's being doubly efficient. So I went upstairs to strip my bed. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I looked around my room and thought about how tired I was of seeing toys (toys!) in my bedroom. It is supposed to be my sanctuary. So then I decided that while the sheets were washing, I could at least clean my room. It was on the list anyway. So I started to clean my room. After finishing most of it, I went into my closet to put something away and saw my vanity counter. I thought, "I am tired of having to dig through everything on here for my eyeliner, etc." So I decided, since my bedroom hadn't really taken that long, I might as well do a thorough job and clean my closet too. Well, as you can imagine, one thing led to another and I deep cleaned the entire room, including accumulating two bags of junk from my closet I didn't want anymore. I also rearranged a bit of furniture. Now my room looks bigger with the arrangement (and dare I say more feng shui?).

In the process of putting things away when I finished the room, I found that the hallway had a few toys in it too. Well, I couldn't bring the pile of toys from my room down to their proper place in the basement only to have to go back up for these ones too (So I cleaned the hallway, which naturally led to the kid's room). I was only going to pick up the toys, and then be done. Back to my book, was the plan. But the kid's room had bits of trash here and there that could easily go in my big box of trash that I had gathered from mine. I might as well make one trip out of that job too. Then all that was left was laundry. I at least had the fortitude to put the laundry in the baskets and leave that for tomorrow. In an hour's time I had cleaned the entire upstairs (minus the bathrooms - no round about reasoning was going to get me to start those yet) and all that was left was to vacuum.

Vacuuming done, I stood at the top of the stairs looking back through the upstairs floor and thought, "It only took me an hour to do all this?" I wondered why it was that cleaning it daily (as all good house wives must, right?) sounded so droll to me. Certainly, it would take less time to maintain then to deep clean. But, alas, what about my poor book? The characters in it are still waiting for me to discover their fate. Now that a good portion of my to do list is finished, I suppose it is only fair that I cease to neglect them.

En Garde

2011-11-17T08:38:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time there was a Mom and a seven year old boy who came home from school grumpy and determined to drive everyone in the house crazy with frustration. He summoned all of his 7 yr old skills and put them to good work. First he fought with his little sister and then he disrespected his mother. During dinner, he talked back and was rude to his older sister (exchange student). All evening he parried and thrust his little sword of contention in a fencing match to rival the ages.

The little boy's father was not around to tag team in the duel with his mother so that she did not go insane. Capital punishment was illegal. Finally, when everyone was in the car ready to go out that evening to the church for young women, and scouts, that mother had had enough.

Everyone was buckled in their seats and the boy made another attempt at discord. The mother lost it. For ten minutes they argued, she scolded, he growled back his answers and rolled his eyes. Then a voice in the mother's head said that this contention was not holy and that she was contributing as much to it as her son was. Touche.

She stopped and took a deep breath. She smiled at her son and asked him to smile at her. She said she did not like all this fighting and that it made the spirit in their home go away. The boy's armor of discontent melted away and he agreed. She asked him to say a prayer for them all, to ask that Heavenly Father grant them the spirit in their home again.

While he prayed, the mother felt the spirit come back and she was thankful. She heard it tell her to change tactics and to talk of love. All the way to the church the family played the "I love you because..." game that she made up. Every person got to say something they loved about everyone else and then got to hear why others loved them. The mother's heart was filled with peace.

Once everyone in the car had received their words of love, they called the father, and shared with him what they loved about him. Their family was whole again despite his distance.

Match Point: The Lord.

ER We Go Again

2011-11-11T16:22:00.000-05:00

Today we had to take Ruby to the ER to get stitches. It was the first time I have had to take any of my kids there. Amazingly enough I was able to stay calm the entire time. It might have had something to do with the fact that she seemed to act as if nothing was wrong, despite the cut above her lip.

The only part that was difficult for her or me was when after they wrapped her tightly in a Velcro cocoon, to keep her still, they had to numb her locally. Of course the injection hurt, and my heart broke when she started to cry each time and call for her mommy. After they were finished with that, my brave little girl was happy again and said "bye bye ouchie" and smiled as best she could. She was calm and still for the nurse who did the three stitches. Her poor little face has a bandage that makes her look like she has a mustache to cover the stitches while they heal.

I am grateful that I have such a lovely, brave little girl and that Andy was home today from work and could be an extra set of hands when needed at the ER. Of course, he had to sit down afterwards and drink some juice once the scary parts were over. I love my man who gets a little woozy when it comes to medical procedures. Both of them did so good and were so brave, the nurse gave them Popsicles.

Thankful Thursday

2011-11-03T11:05:00.001-04:00

I cannot tell you how awesome it feels to get something like this. When they first are able to say "mom" it feels good. When they first learn to say "I love you" it feels fantastic. But when they can, on their own accord, write it in a note and give it to you.... there are not really words.

I am thankful for sisters who have so much fun putting pretty make up on each other. Not so grateful that their make up of choice is ketchup, though.

I am grateful for silly evenings at home where we can do funny things with each other's hair just for laughs.

I am thankful to watch Corilynn grow, socially and intellectually, at preschool. FYI: the boy in black in the front to the right is her "boyfriend" Logan. He waits for her when he gets picked up so they can walk out of the classroom together and he calls her "Cori." I wondered when her name might begin to be shortened by friends. I suppose it is the beginning of Cori Mackrory. Rats! We hoped to keep the rhyming at bay a bit longer.

I am thankful to the cute motherly instincts that little girls have. Here Ruby is feeding her baby.

I am thankful for the good natured laugh we all had when we discovered Ruby like this. She had found her way into Charlotte's make up and covered her face with eye liner. First thing she said when we discovered her was "Pretty!" and then she pointed to the mirror (that she had also drawn all over) "More." I am thankful that Charlotte loves her baby sister enough to forgive her for it too.

I am thankful for small discoveries. Ruby loves our little fish Harry. I should say "loved" rather. RIP Harry. Who knew fish could not survive with paper clips and tissues put into their water? We do now, and so do the kids responsible.

I am thankful for Corilynn's impeccable sense of style.

I am thankful for fun days in the leaves. Every year, I smile at the way such a simple thing such as a pile of leaves can bring about such immense joy.

Ruby's first time to really enjoy the leaves and she is a big fan!

Life-like Characters

2011-10-27T12:13:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh! I have to give a shout out to some of our best friends here in Ohio. Ron and Kayla Carroll were some of the first friends we made when we moved here three years ago. More recently they have been some of my most devoted and supportive fans while I wrote my book. To thank them for their shared excitement for me as they read my chapters one by one while I wrote them, I decided to make them part of the story. I wrote them in as Mr. Darcy's butler and housekeeper in his London townhouse, Darcy House.

Last night at church, we had trunk or treat. Guess who came? Mr. and Mrs. Carroll, butler and housekeeper for the Darcy family in MY BOOK! I love these guys. Look how good they looked- I seriously screamed and jumped up and down when I saw them. They even have the diamond stick-pin for his cravat. AWESOME!

Mr. and Mrs. Carroll, distinguished butler and housekeeper for Darcy House London

They decorated their trunk with fine curtains and drapes to be Darcy House front entrance. It was super exciting. Love the serving tray, Mr. Carroll!

One of the other kids at church was dressed up as a soldier and I thought it was just too perfect not to get. So we made him our Wickham.

Thank you Carrolls! You guys are beyond awesome- It totally made my night! It is fun to see my characters LITERALLY come to life. I always pictured these guys whenever I wrote about their characters and now I will not be able to read my book without picturing them this way.

Thankful Thursday

2011-10-27T12:00:00.001-04:00

Halloween!

Charlotte, our Danish exchange student, dressed up as - what? A Danish (pastry). I was the baker.

Lyman was our Scottish drummer

Andrew was our Scottish piper and Ruby played the distinguished role of being the bagpipe.

So cute, I could eat her.

Corilynn was delicous in her cupcake costume.

Seeing Red

2011-10-25T08:37:00.000-04:00

Editing.

Last week I got my first chapter edits back from the editor for my book. It looked, at first, that after a brief glance that the biggest change to the chapter was that now most of the font was red. YIKES! I was, of course, terrified that the final product would end up not really my book at all if I accepted all of the changes it looked like they wanted to make. So I did the thing any mature, reasonable adult would do. I closed the document and refused to look at it for a while.

When I could not ignore it anymore, I opened it up again and actually looked at the proposed edits. All the red was misleading because in Microsoft Word - track changes feature - your deletes, insertions and any rearranging of sentences shows both the before and after in red links. So there was double the red. Phew. Sigh of relief. Then looking through them, I found that most of the edits were not taking away from my voice or the overall feeling I wanted the chapter to portray. After looking over the document and accepting some changes, and rejecting others...

Taa Daa! The chapter looks fantastic and after several back and forth versions with my editor - it looks like a real author wrote it. A real author instead of a Darcy obsessed adult female awake early one Saturday morning after dreaming of the scene in the first chapter. (Ok, I admit it. I dream about Darcy and Elizabeth.) I cannot wait for the rest of the book to be finished - to see the final product. My editor is fantastic and Meryton Press is a great publisher to work with.

I am kind excited. I mean when it is finished and published - I will have written a real book. I know I wrote it before and nothing changes with publication but the published version will actually merit the paper it is on in my opinion. WOO. HOO.

Thankful Thursday

2011-10-20T13:34:00.000-04:00

I am thankful for all the friends who supported me through the writing process of my first book. Today seems sort of monumental for me because I finished the last chapter of a second book just as I received an email from my editor with the chapter 1 edits of Falling for Mr. Darcy (the first book). I have to admit, I feel a bit overwhelmed looking at the edits. Of course, I do not have to accept changes to it that I do not want but still I think I much prefer the dreamworld state of writing rather than the reality driven world of editing.

From here though, it should go quickly. As soon as I can finish editing the chapters, I send them back to her and she looks through them again. She said she would be sending me a chapter a day until we finish the book. I have a lot of work a head of me. The high of getting something published has washed away as I face the daunting task of getting it ready for publication. I am sure when we actually get it close to release I will once again feel excited. I kind of wish I could just blink and see my name on amazon.

Oh well, here I go.

Lyman's Birthday

2011-10-15T09:09:00.001-04:00

Lyman had his birthday party at the MAPS Air force Museum. He wanted to have a fighter jet cake. So, together with Dad, they designed this.

Corilynn shooting one of the guns.

Inside the blimp passenger seating area.

Ruby took her turn 'driving' the jet quite seriously, completely with sound effects.

Child of Mine

2011-10-12T19:35:00.000-04:00

Dear Child of Mine,

I remember the moment I first loved you. I was singing and you jumped inside me. I felt you move and I knew I loved you. When you were first placed in my arms, I remember becoming so overwhelmed with feeling for you that all I could do was cry, "My baby, my baby!" At that moment you ceased your crying and looked up at me. Your eyes were clear and you recognized me, or at least my voice. I never loved a child so much until that moment.

It was through your eyes that once I was comforted. When you were only a few months old, I was struggling through a very difficult time in my life. My pain had nothing to do with you but I was anguished and felt trapped in my own sorrows. I could not speak of my troubles and I was so very lost. I was holding you, feeding you a bottle and crying. My tears flowed down my cheeks and I prayed so fervently for some comfort. When I looked down at you then your eyes were clear and I could see that you understood me. A babe of only four months, but your eyes held the wisdom of a mature adult, a grown spirit. Your eyes communicated your love and understanding. They were not the baby eyes I had seen every time I looked into your eyes before or after that moment. They were the eyes of a mature spirit, temporarily unhindered by a young body that he was just learning how to use. I knew at that moment the Lord had allowed me (and you) to see each other as his spirits. I felt loved and comforted and it was through your eyes.

I remember when years later I was suffering again. Though of quite a different nature. I was feeling the burden of another pregnancy. You were caring beyond your years, always offering to help me or get something for me. You knew just when to sit still near me and hold my hand. Your small strength was a blessing to me and I felt loved by you again.

Today you turned seven. In your short seven years, I can name more than a few times you have given me more than I could give you as your mother. Lyman dear, I love you, child of mine.

Happy Birthday,
Love,
Your Mother

The Fun Parent

2011-10-10T09:18:00.001-04:00

While Dad left on business this week, it was my job and obligation to make sure the kids were cemented in the opinion that I am the Fun Parent. So I took them to Pump it Up - a play land with inflatable bounce houses and slides for them to go hog wild on. I think my efforts were successful.

Shhhh... if you will keep a secret, Ruby is getting one of these for Christmas. It is a good thing too, since she loved this thing (whatever it is).

Protesting the Inevitable

2011-10-08T17:19:00.000-04:00

Today Ruby crawled out of her crib and onto the dresser next to it. She couldn’t get back into the crib or off the dresser, it being too high for her comfort. So she cried as she laid helplessly on the small surface of the dresser. We thought she was just protesting taking a nap and so we didn’t go in to get her for a little while and discover her there. Pour girl. Poor Mama. I don’t want her to grow up and this is the first time she has climbed out of her crib. It meant we had to take it down and transition her into a big girl twin bed. Her little body looks so little there. She is, of course, ecstatic about it. Mom is, of course, not. When your littlest gets big, it makes you wish you could dig your heels into the earth and with the sheer force of your motherly will, stop the rotation of the earth and let time pause for just a little.
I feel that everyday my kids are growing way faster than they ought to. Lyman will be baptized in one year. BAPTISED! I swear I just had him, little tiny in my arms, just born. Corilynn will go to kindergarten next year too. And me, I will slowly sink back into the oblivion mothers dissolve into when their kids grow up and don’t need them anymore. ::sigh:: I hate big girl beds.

Thankful Thursday

2011-10-06T19:49:00.000-04:00

I am thankful to have had this conversation with Corilynn.

I was walking out of preschool with her today and a little boy with his mother was walking behind us. I heard him say to his mom, "That is Corilynn, she is my girlfriend."

I exchange an amused look with the boy's mother and we go separate ways towards our cars. At the car I asked Corilynn about it, who at first doesn't seem to know anything about it. But then she says:

"Yeah he is my boyfriend. He is my first boyfriend. I am his first girlfriend too."

Now I know, at least on Corilynn's side, that she has no clue what boyfriend means other than a boy that is her friend. Until now, she has always considered boys accessories in the room, her friends only being girls. So I know this boy being her "boyfriend" is really just her first boy that is a friend.

But the way she said "He is my first boyfriend" just made me laugh because it was so cute and cheekily done. So I called Andy to tell him about it.

I am thankful to have had this conversation with my husband:

I told him about Corilynn and the would be suitor. About their maiden venture into boyfriend and girlfriend territory and how funny it sounded when she said she had a boyfriend.

"So it seems your daughter has a boyfriend." I said.

He laughed for a short while and then said, in all seriousness, "I don't think I like that."

Thankful Thursday

2011-09-29T14:31:00.001-04:00

Phew! This week has been so busy I have felt like a soccer mom with out any kids in soccer. I have driven children all over this planet (and back) three times a day. I guess I can be thankful today that I have a good car that works so I can do all that driving. Oh, and also a 22 month old who can occasionally skip having a nap at all during the day without turning into a miniature monster.

Last weekend, we visited family in Indiana. It was a short weekend (where most of it was spent in the car driving too and from) but it was really fun. When I get together with my family I am filled with such a sense of satisfaction and contentment with life. My kids are well taken care of - playing happily with their cousins- my siblings and I are enjoying each other's company and we are free (at least for a few days' duration) of our usual everyday obligations of work, school etc. I am thankful for the wonderful micro vacation we enjoyed last weekend with loved ones.

Thankful Thursday

2011-09-22T22:13:00.000-04:00

Sheesh! It has been eleven days since I posted! I know that sounds like such a short time really but I had hoped to at least keep up the Thankful Thursdays every week for the year. Well I guess that ship has sailed.

I am thankful for the opportunity to see and visit with family this weekend. One of my nephews is going on a mission soon to serve in the Farmington, NM mission and we are going to see him off this weekend with his farewell! Love family! YAY!

I am also thankful to sisters and friends who get all giddie and excited with me when they read my other book. Yes, that is right - I started writing another. I might be addicted to this. Cool update on the first book though, my editor emailed and she promised to read a few lines of my book at the home they used as Pemberley in the 1995 BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. Whhaaa! I think that right there fulfills every dream I have had about this whole process. Wooppee!

10 Years

2011-09-11T14:09:00.000-04:00

Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we are the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining.

--President George W. Bush, 9/11/01

Today I proudly and solemnly explained to Lyman what happened today 10 years ago. It was sad to have to reveal to him the depth of human against human wickedness in the world. However, it was a wonderful moment to get to instill in him the beginnings of not just his patriotic pride but build a foundation for his understanding of his responsibility to mankind. It was neat to teach of forgiveness in the face of hatred, resolve in the face of destruction and compassion in the face of tragedy. My hope is that one day this day will not be remembered for the significant losses occurred but for the way we, as Americans, stood up after being knocked down and held proudly to our beliefs and freedoms despite the adversary's attempts at destroying us.

We are not the judges in the end. Heavenly Father is our ultimate judge and Christ our emissary. Wicked men may find success in their acts of destruction, but God the Father will ultimately prevail in His plan. And if that plan means allowing tragic events like 9/11 to occur so that blood of those lost may testify to the wickedness of those men, then so be it. Our beloved fallen will not have fell in vain then and their reward in God will be just and sweet. May all humankind learn from these events and succor brotherhood instead of prejudice.

Thankful Thursday

2011-09-08T15:35:00.000-04:00

Thankful for little girls who are growing to be good friends.

I am thankful for little girls going to preschool for the first time - and smiles that look more like grimaces.

I am thankful for buckteeth smiles.

Once upon a time...

2011-09-04T18:45:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time there was a missionary and this missionary had a little sister who was only 2 years old. Well this missionary loved her little sister so much that he wrote her a letter from his mission telling her how much he loved her. Well that little girl grew up and when she was 25 she found the letter in her keepsake box. She had never known about the letter before that time. She felt so loved by her older brother.

Once upon a time there was a missionary and this missionary was the son of the other missionary. His aunt wrote to him every week on his mission and he wrote to her too. They were the very best of friends and the aunt remembered her letter from his father often when she wrote to her nephew. She loved her nephew very much and he loved his aunt.

Once upon a time the first missionary grew up and got a job at the Pentagon and moved to DC where he was only 7 hrs away from the little sister he wrote the letter to. She was very happy to have him move so close to her. She loved her big brother very much and was very happy to get a chance to see more of him. Who would have known that a young missionary's love for his littler sister could translate into a lifetime of love in return to both himself and his missionary son?

YAY for my nephew Micah on a mission! DOUBLE YAY for my brother Bob moving to live near me for the next two years. TRIPLE YAY for him being a secret agency spy.

The Female Connection

2011-08-31T09:42:00.004-04:00

Warning the following post contains words like: Ladies' doctor, breasts and "down there".

A few weeks ago I went to my annual ladies' doctors appointment. A delightful experience for all ladies between the age of 20 and infinity. When I arrived, I sat in the waiting room looking at a randomly selected magazine from the stack next to me (Horse and Rider?) and while flipping through it, tried to survey the rest of the ladies in the room. You know we all do it. You wonder what they are "in for" - some obvious, by the looks of their expanding waistline - they are in the family way. Others are older, and you think they may be menopausal. Others are like me, well with in baby producing years and also

surreptitiously looking over their magazines. I don't know why it is, but when I go for my ladies' doctors appointment, I feel like I probably wear some sign only visible to other people that says "I'm here to make sure 'things' down there are alright."

They call my name and although I know in my mind that they said "KaraLynne," I wonder if perhaps everyone else, including myself, hears "The girl that is going to throw privacy to the wind and bare all" and of course, since I stood up - they all know I am that girl. I don't know why it is, but I cant look the nurse in the eye and mumble my hellos when she greets me. She knows for sure why I am there. So I try to act nonchalant as we do my blood pressure, weight check, heart rate (which I'm sure is starting to race) and then that awkward moment where you sit fully clothed on the exam bench (the stage?) and answer any number of questions. When was your last period? Was it normal? I feel like I am in an interview for a job. "What would you say is your biggest weakness?" "I would have to say - feeling like I am on trial over my care, maintenance and usage of my lady parts when I am a mature, 28 year old woman."

Then she leaves, with instructions to disrobe and put on the cheery, floral patterned cloth drape. It is time to await the judge's entrance. No matter how slowly I work through this process, I always end up waiting naked, barely covered in that cheery cloth, for what seems like a long time. I look around the room, trying to find something interesting to look at. Rubber uterus's, pregnancy stage posters, contraceptive devices and pamphlets. As if I haven't learned my lesson before, I hop off the "stage' to get a better look at the rubber uterus. Id like to think we all get a little fascinated by rubber organs in a doctor's office. But every time I do this, I am found by the doctor's entrance, either running back to the "stage" in a hurry because I hear them coming (and looking quite wild as my cape flaps behind me in my nude glory) or interrupted mid poke of said rubber organ. In these cases I am a bit mortified and apologetic to be found playing with a rubber organ. I laugh uneasily and think how the embarrassment level just raised to a code Red as I make my way back to the stage and try to climb up with as much lady like finesse as I can possibly muster.

The exam: On top the stage, I have the clothe wrapped tightly around me. I don't know why I do this - holding on to the last threads of my modesty until the moment of no return? Its not like holding it tight around me will prevent its need to be opened later. Then I answer many more questions (made all the more awkward now that I am unclothed). I think that I am about take a test. I desperately want my lady parts to be approved, don't we all? I mean, at a lady's doctors appointment, they are our essay test. They are 80% of the grade. You wash them extra careful that day and you hope that they meet with approval. So I infuse a false cheerfulness and positivity into my voice as I answer about my libido, my periods, and my breasts. If I sound happy with my lady parts, the doctor will be too, right?

The doctor stands up. Oh, no it is time. Judgement day. So I act like exhibitionism is an everyday thing for me and show no embarrassment as I open my robe to the doctor. The rest goes as any woman can tell you, poking and prodding and pretending you are not there. I try to think of anything else - baseball, gardening, politics while the doctor grades my assets. She just said something. Shoot! What did she say? I wasn't listening, I was thinking of pulling the weeds out of my garden. Why do they talk about the medical junk before the exam and then wait until you are on the stage, splayed out like a piece of modern art, to make small talk chit chat? I answer with a noncommittal mumble since I have no idea what she said. Now, I have to commit myself to listening closer. She asks questions about how the kids liked their summer, and did we go on vacation. I hear her tell about a recent BBQ she had with family. I think "Yeah, this isn't at all weird."

Then the exam is over. I breath a sigh of relief as I close my legs, sit up awkwardly and pull the robe about me again tightly. Now it is time to hear the verdict. Did my lady parts do me justice? She pronounces everything looks great down there. Phew! Inside I am overjoyed for some reason. I send a silent thanks down to my lady parts for doing a good job this year. I am filled with an absurd sense of pride in my lady parts. They didn't let me down - I passed the essay test. Then the doctor this time tells me she is concerned with something with my breasts. I chastise my breasts for a moment, can't they pull their weight?

She doesn't think anything is really wrong with them. But a part of them didn't seem right and so she is sending me into get an ultrasound and mammogram and to meet with a ladies' boob doctor. I am not that concerned because this lady's doctor thinks it is probably nothing but "lets check it out anyway." Relieved and still on a high from hearing my other parts passed I cheerfully thank her and when she leaves I get dressed and go to the checkout window. Because of the need for an ultrasound and mammogram the secretary at the window tells me she has to make the appointments and so she gets on the phone to the breast health place and proceeds with the process. I look around as she describes my diagnosis to the person on the phone. I am thinking that she is talking rather loud and now everyone in the entire block must hear my boobs didn't pass. She tells the person on the phone the terms the doctor used but I hear "Ugly Boob Syndrome." I feel like I ought to go back and get the robe on to give everyone in the waiting room a peek since they can all hear about my prognosis.

Fast forward one week: Ultrasound and mammogram day. I arrive at the breast health place and check in. The lady at the desk is all sweetness and reminds me a bit of a hug. She brings me back to a separate waiting room just for ladies like me. I am to sit there and wait to be called back. I do the whole looking at a magazine but really looking at everyone else thing again. They are all older women. I am filled with a female longing to hug them and hope for the best for their exam. I think, I hope that nothing is wrong for them. I am connected to them briefly and as we exchange small smiles, I don't have to wonder why they are there but I am left wishing them the best. I think, how tragic that anyone should have to have breast cancer. I know I am probably alright, but perhaps they are not. I want to give a group hug of support, but of course I do not. I hope nobody is looking at me with sympathy - I am obviously way younger than everyone else in the room. I look at the room for a moment and feel proud and glad that the room is cosy, well decorated and feminine. It was a compliment to those who have to sit in it. We are women: proud, beautiful and glorious.

My name is called and I stand up with confidence. I am a woman, whatever may be, I will answer to it and conquer it. I am beautiful, even with my "Ugly Boob Syndrome." I walk back to where they show me a few changing rooms, lockers and another sitting room. I am to undress from the waist up and sit with another cotton robe until I am called. I do so and sit with another woman or two, similarly dressed. This is the moment of no return. There is an even more definite feeling of connection with these woman. We are all waiting to find out our fate.

The exam itself was uncomfortable to say the least. I got a bit nervous as it happened, wondering if perhaps there was something wrong. The boob doctors visit later that week was another entrance into the world of a secret, sacred sisterhood. I wanted to give every woman I saw, doctor, nurse and patient a hug and cheer for womanhood. With its discomforts, mortifying moments (like ladies' doctor annual exams) and trials - we are still strong and beautiful. Together we unite with each other, showing support and love. I didn't have cancer. My breasts were deemed ugly but healthy. But I was thankful for the impressions, small smiles of encouragement and support that I received and gave during the whole process. We cannot forsake each other, we have to support and uphold each other. We are divinely created and still beautiful with our stretch marks, rearranged body parts, ugly breasts, and creaking hips. We are all sisters, so give your sister a hug today.

Thankful Thursday

2011-08-25T07:43:00.001-04:00

I am thankful for funny moments - like those where your baby girl gets into your makeup and tries to eat it.

We are super thankful for our new addition to the family. We have an exchange student from Denmark, named Charlotte. She is a sweet, funny girl who is genuine and honest. We love her already and have had many fun moments with her.

My Biggest Fear

2011-08-24T08:07:00.001-04:00

According to the Internet (always a useful tool for research) people's biggest fears are first, flying, second, public speaking, third, heights, then the dark, intimacy, death (sixth?!?), etc etc.

When I look at this list, I cant find any of them a cause for fear as far as I am concerned. I am not afraid of flying - just afraid of TSA people and their scary probing hands. I am not afraid of public speaking and though I do not enjoy it, I don't have problems speaking in public. I am not afraid of heights - I find them a little thrilling in fact. I am not afraid of the dark - unless you count the times my husband is out of town on business and I have the entire house to myself and all of a sudden the house noises, that I am so used to, are instead probably some mean, scary, monster of a burglar - come to murder me in my sleep. I am not afraid of intimacy (thank goodness!) Lastly on this list, ranked sixth, is death. Sixth?!? I can honestly say I am not afraid of death. Would I want to die anytime soon? - no. Would I wish for any of my relatives to die - ummmm... jk no. But I do not fear it because I know what comes after it and the only thought that worries me about death is leaving those I love behind (hoping they do not suffer to greatly from their loss of me).

No, I am not afraid of death. But I can say that my biggest fear relates to number 7 on the list. Failure. My biggest fear is that my kids will not grow up to be good people. That despite my efforts, they will never learn to willingly want to do the right thing. I feel this is a legitimate fear because despite what all you mothers of older-children-who-turned-out-just-fine who like to think "he is only 7, he will turn out alright, be patient" - I have precedence on my side for my fears. Just yesterday I blinked and my little baby in my arms (just placed there for the first time after his birth) is leaving for first grade today (and thus his first time being gone from me all day). What is to say that tomorrow (after I blink again) he will not be 17 and heading off to his senior year? No, my fear is legitimate. I worry that I will never inspire him to want to be a good person.

Now, I know that there are some of you reading this right now that are shaking your heads - itching to leave a comment on this post to say "You are doing fine! Don't worry, you are a great parent" yada yada yada. I am not saying I don't do somethings right - I am just worried that there are crucial times I should be doing something differently and am not. I cant get over the fact that he has agency - and must be allowed to make his own choices in life. I know he will make some choices that will make me sad. I just wish it wasn't so. Maybe that is what I am really afraid of - of the pain and worry that comes with seeing your child choose something that will not make them happy.

Phew! (dramatic sigh) I guess for now, all I can say is, be off little first grader. Don't pick bad friends, don't do drugs, don't lie, steal, cheat, don't mess with the girls (they are still icky, right?), don't grow up, don't move out, don't go to college, don't ever, ever leave the protection of my side. I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Thankful Thursday

2011-08-18T08:28:00.001-04:00

I am thankful for rough and rowdy family reunions at the cabin!

I am thankful for lounging at the waterfalls with cousins.

I am thankful for a surfeit of giggling girl cousins.

I am thankful for two loving parents who started it all.

I am thankful for handsome husbands who are putty in their daughter's hands.

I am thankful for big cousins who play with little cousins.

I am thankful for sisters who are more like best friends.

I am thankful for grandkids galore to keep Grandma and Grandpa young (or insane).

I am thankful for uncles who take the time to educate the young.

I am thankful for adventuring with cousins.

I am thankful for piggie back rides.

I am thankful for the lovely family reunion we attended on the Putnam side in July. With over 70 people, it was at times crowded, chaotic, and crazy - but always, always fun.

Thankful Thursday

2011-08-11T19:08:00.000-04:00

This morning, while pretending to sleep a bit longer, since the kids were still quiet and not voicing their need for nourishment yet (they really are like a bunch of baby birds - open mouthed and chirping all the time), I heard Lyman come into my room and climb into Andy's side. My arm was sprawled across the bed at the time and I felt him reach for it and hold my hand for a little while. I smiled to myself for this little gesture. He used to come into my room and hold my hand every morning for a little while until I got out of bed. He stopped doing that (amongst other icky and overt physical displays of affection towards his embarrassing mother) about a year ago. I was a bit saddened because it meant he was growing out of the "When I grow up, I want to marry Mom" stage of his life and moving on to "Sheesh, Mom, did you have to kiss me in front of my friends?" stage.

I was going to post more pictures of our Colorado trip today for Thankful Thursday. Maybe tomorrow. My little 4 minutes of hand holding with my almost 7 year old boy is way more important to document. I am thankful for my 4 minutes.

Deep Breaths

2011-08-02T09:19:00.000-04:00

You know those mornings when you wake up relaxed and all rested in the morning and you look up at your ceiling thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. Then you stretch your arms and take a giant deep breath, releasing the air slowly as that satisfied feeling of contentment washes through you. Its a good feeling. Its refreshing, rejuvenating and calming. And as you finish your stretch and deep breath, your body smiles as you snuggle even more comfortably amongst the blankets and pillows. There is no hurry to go anywhere and you can simply be.

Today is my ninth wedding anniversary. When I thought about what I felt about all the time I have spent with my dreamboat, Andy, I realized that being married to him is like a giant deep breath in the morning. It feels good. It feels contented. It feels right and comfortable. I am in no hurry to go anywhere and I can simply be. I feel good.

When I hold his hand, its a deep breath.

When I lay my head on his chest, its a deep breath.

When we drive somewhere, and nobody is talking, but his hand is stretched across to rest on my neck as he drives, its a deep breath.

When we look across the table at each other with that knowing smile and repressed laughter after one of our kids says something they didn't know was funny, its a deep breath.

When we fall asleep with our hands together, its a deep breath.

When he gets home from work, and the kids are all clamoring for his attention but the first thing he does is lean in to give me a kiss, its a deep breath.

When he tells me I am beautiful, desirable and attractive even when my body has been rearranged by pregnancies, its a deep breath.

When he holds me tenderly during labor and whispers encouragement in my ear just as I am at the point I do not know how or if I could go on, and I can hear his voice shake with emotion, its a deep breath.

When I think about the future, our future, and all the mornings I get to wake up next to him. Its. A. Deep. Breath.

Tea with Grandma

2011-08-01T09:37:00.000-04:00

One of the wonderful memories we made from our recent vacation to Colorado to visit family was getting to have a proper British tea party with Grandma. The kids love rooibos (a South African herbal tea Andy grew up having) and of course having "biscuits" (translation: cookies) made it all the more fun.

Afterwards Grandma pulled out her collection of butterflies and moths from her childhood in Rhodesia. The kids were fascinated. What a pleasure to have tea with Grandma!

Thankful Thursday

2011-07-28T16:01:00.000-04:00

Now that we are back from our month long vacation, I have to say the thing I am most sincerely thankful for this Thursday is to be back in my own home. There is something quite liberating about choosing your own meals - even if it was nice to not have to cook over the past month. The next series of posts will be about our trip.

Firstly, I am most grateful to have been able to see these guys. The Triplets drove out to see us in Colorado and spent a few days with us when we first arrived.

One of the days they visited we took a trip to Estes Park in Colorado. We walked around the shops, went to lunch and then decided to test our palates on one of Colorado's famous foods. Here is our disastrous foray into Rocky Mountain Oysters.

I think Shannon's face says it all. We wont be recommending them anytime soon. Luckily we had delicious cookies on hand for right afterwards.

The kids were saved from having to try the oysters. They blissfully enjoyed their cookies and played by the river.

Appropriately enough, we saw this sign on our way back. Fortunately, we did not stop to enquire.

Overall, it was a delightful visit and a wonderful way to start our vacation. I am thankful to have been able to see our dear old friends again after over 2 years. More pictures to come of other vacation debaucheries.

Im getting published!!!!!

2011-07-26T21:13:00.000-04:00

I didn't think I would hear back so soon after my last exciting news last week. But the publisher that requested my full manuscript last week has now offered to publish me! I only have basic details of the contract and must wait for the full contract to review and accept but if it looks good then I will be a published author!! The publisher is called Meryton Press. They are a small publisher with links to bigger ones and so they have access to big named stores like Barnes and Noble and Amazon but can still access smaller brick and mortar book stores. Many of their books (and authors, of course) have received awards. Their website is merytonpress.com.

If I sound aloof and disenchanted, I assure you, I am not. I am simply stunned. Never did I think I would reach this point. It is no small accomplishment, and yet I feel super humble to think that my little fun diversion of a book is good enough for publication. I wrote the first chapter on a whim. I wrote the rest of the book as a fun aside for myself and my friends. I submitted it to a few publishers with a "what the heck" attitude. I received responses with disbelief and now... I sit wondering how this all happened in a few short months since April when I started writing it. I say it again, I am stunned. Happily stunned, however. YAY!

Total Maturity Breakdown

2011-07-15T22:10:00.000-04:00

Today I received an email from one of the publishing companies (Meryton Press) that I submitted my book to for possible publishing. Their submission guidelines originally only asked for the first three chapters of my book so that is what I sent. Their email today (received about a month after the original submission was sent) went as follows:
"After reviewing your submission, we would like to take a look at your complete manuscript.
This is one step closer to acceptance of your manuscript."

At the moment I read this, my maturity level went from that of a 28 year old mother of three to a 14 yr old excited school girl - complete with stomping of feet and squeals. Realistically it could still easily be rejected but "one step closer" feels pretty doggone good right now, if you ask me. WOOT!

Thankful Thursday

2011-07-07T19:04:00.000-04:00

I am thankful that Andy comes back to Colorado today for the weekend. I have missed him these past few days. I am also thankful to my parents who have watched the kids all day while my body has tried to imitate the feeling of being run over by a semi-truck. It has been nice to take a "sick day" when I needed it and have the kids in good hands. Now if this cold/flu/premature death that has taken over my body could go away - Id have more to be thankful for.

Yay for America!

2011-07-05T23:46:00.003-04:00

Out of town sometimes means blogging goes out the window. We are visiting with family in the west for a few reunions and having lots of fun. This weekend was the 4th of July - our Nation's Independence day and I have to tell you I have felt ultra patriotic this weekend. I am so grateful to live in such a wonderful, free country. Our government, leaders and policy makers are not perfect - and their decisions do not always reflect my wishes but none of that matters in the end because this is still such a great country. I am so blessed to live where I can practice free speech, freedom of religion and so many other great freedoms. I am especially grateful for the many millions of servicemen and women who have, over the history of this great nation, fought and died preserving these freedoms. I am truly indebted to their bravery.

While we were at our cabin this weekend with my family, a few of my family members sang all the verses to our national anthem, The Star Spangled Banner. What a moving song. There are few songs out there that portray such vivid imagery or provoke such emotion in me than that one. Last night, on the 4th of July, I went with some of my family to watch a fireworks display. While we were waiting for the fireworks to start, my family (we are huge lot) began singing the anthem. Many in the crowd joined in and the feeling of love and pride and gratitude for this great nation was palpable. Afterwards the crowd cheered. It was a wonderful moment. The words to our anthem are below. They depict the scene visible to the author of the song after he witnessed the bombardment of Fort McHenry by the British Royal Navy in the War of 1812.

O! say can you see by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
’Tis the star-spangled banner, O! long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion,
A home and a country, should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation.
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust;”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

God Bless the USA!

Thankful Thursday

2011-06-23T12:49:00.000-04:00

Right now everyone of my kids is crying their eyes out. Corilynn is mad that she has to clean up the mess she made in the living room. Lyman is upset because he got in trouble for trying to pick up Ruby when I told him not to (resulting in her fall from the chair she was sitting on). Ruby is crying because of her fall that, though did not hurt her, did remind her of how terrible life is right now while she is waiting impatiently for lunch to be ready. I feel like crying because I have a billion things to do today to get ready for our vacation tomorrow and I feel like I am getting no help at all. Until the corn dogs (yes I know what a pathetic mother I am for feeding them to my children) are finished cooking in the oven, I am blogging.

I can be thankful for one thing though: I got an email acknowledgement from one of the publishers I submitted my book to saying they received it and it is under review now. Yay!

Thankful Thursday

2011-06-16T08:48:00.000-04:00

Last week I wasn't thankful apparently because I forgot to post. It wasn't true, but it is summer time and the days just slip by and I forget what day of the week it is with all the fun we are having.

Today I am thankful for the fun day we spent together last Friday as a family. We went on an adventure to pick strawberries at a pick your own farm 40 minutes south of us. Just love getting strawberries - sweet, juicy and delicious - for only $1.70 a quart. Each quart was over a pound so it was a great savings. However, after having done it once, I appreciate the novelty of going to the store to get them a little better. The kids did great and Ruby only discovered that they were food towards the end when she bit into one and so we only had to fend her off eating them the last few minutes. We made plenty of delicious freezer jam and frozen whole strawberries for smoothies.

The only picture we took of our whole family. Lol - yes that is an unfortunate location for a shadow on me. But shadow it is!

Amish people are cool. Makes me want to bust out in song singing Amish Paradise!

After our adventure to the strawberry patch we went to Amish country a bit more south. It was fun to go to the Amish cheese store and get lots of free tastes and come home with fun cheese varieties. We saw lots of Amish in their buggies as we got lost for a while in the back farm roads. We also went to an Amish store with lots of fun wood toys and other products. It was an eventful day and I am thankful that I got to spend it with my family.

My own Mr. Darcy

2011-06-13T15:37:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, Andy and I went on a date together. We got coupons for two English style horseback riding lessons each. We went for our first lesson. A few observations about the English and their style riding. It is hard. Okay not just hard, but really hard. I have ridden horses before and I guess I rode "western" style as the saddle was like a lazyboy recliner in the way it molded nicely to my backside and there was a horn to hold on to. With English style there is nearly nothing to the saddle. No horn either. If you wish to remain upright on the horse - and indeed on the horse at all - you have to use quite a bit of your leg strength to hold you there. It takes a combination of leg presses into the stirrups, thigh squeezes and good old fashioned British-stick-up-your-ladedah posture. Is that why they call it English style? My back and abs got a major workout has I held myself in the right posture to stay balanced on the horse. About halfway through the lesson (after teaching us how to start and stop and steer thankfully) they proceeded to make us learn to "trot" the horse.

Now a moment for trotting. Apparently if you do not trot right you will kill your bum. For a goodly amount of time, we did not trot right. My bum feels like a rode a bike to Alaska without one of those lovely padded bum bike shorts. It wasn't until close to the end that I think I got the hang of it and therefore the right rhythm. However with English style riding you don't just bounce naturally on the horse; you have to do little squats up and down - engaging your thighs in a battle of "I hate your guts" and your bum muscles in a workout that could make the creators of "buns of steel" cry. Don't forget to keep your posture straight too and as the 2000 pound moving mound of death increases its speed, you must not allow yourself to pull up on the reigns in fright. This makes them slow down (what? sounds good to me) or gets them confused and agitated (that doesn't sound good to me).

I will never scoff at horseback riding when it is labeled as exercise again. Before this experience I would have told you "What exercise? The horse does all the work." Not so at least with English style riding. It was a good workout. Despite my daunting descriptions above we actually had a really fun time. It was a challenge, something new and actually kind of romantic if you can get past the poop smell. I loved seeing Andrew on the horse. I could easily redress him in regency clothes with my eyes and kazaam! he was my very own Mr. Darcy. I just wish I had a top hat for him. I'll have to find one before our next lesson. That's all for now. Enjoy the pictures, I'm going to go ice my bum.

Superfun with Cousins

2011-06-06T08:36:00.000-04:00

Last weekend we went to Wisconsin to visit with Andrew's brother and his family. They took us to lots of fun places and the kids had a great time with their cousins. It was a relaxing weekend and we were glad to get to visit.

Ruby was so cute with the baby goats. She even tried to give them kisses. This is her uncle Jared holding one for her.

They had pony rides and the kids were very eager to try them. Corilynn, who is pretty nervous around animals, refused to touch any of the animals at the farm. When it came to riding the horses, she was also afraid and didn't want to until she learned that one of the horses was named "Princess". As long as she got to ride Princess she was fine.

Ruby gives the baby chicken a kiss. We sincerely hope she does not contract any diseases for all the affection she gave the animals.

Ruby loved feeding the goats. She laughed so much when they would eat the corn out of her hand. She wasn't afraid at all.

I pretty picture I took of one of the blossom bedecked trees at the farm.

By far the part of the farm Lyman liked most. He loved that you could chase the chickens around and catch them. He first put one on Andrew's shoulder. He thought that was hilarious so we put one on his head for a picture.

Our fun hosts! Jared and Kristen and their family: Brielle, Nathan and the sweetest, chubbiest, most huggable baby Jacob.

Thankful Thursday

2011-06-02T17:31:00.000-04:00

Last week I mentioned that I was thankful to be going to visit Andy's brother in Wisconsin and his family. It was fun to go this last weekend and I am thankful for the opportunity to share memories and develop relationships with them. The kids had so much fun. I will post pictures soon of our adventures.

I am thankful that today I got to go with the girls to Lyman's school for his Kindergarten picnic. We brought subways and sat on the lawn to visit and eat lunch with Lyman. It was fun to talk with his teacher and meet the friends he talks about all the time. He was always so cute when he talked about his friend Lela and his little boy crush on her was always a source of amusement for us. I met her today and spoke with her parents. It was funny to hear that she talks about Lyman just as much and refers to herself as Mrs. Lyman sometimes at home.

When I told Lyman about that in the car on the way home, I asked him if he thought that was cute. He said, "No." with obvious embarrassment and a small amount of "yuckiness" in his expression. He may have a boy crush on her but it seems girls are still gross. Here is a picture of her with him.

Pictured below: Lyman's man pals - Colin, Noah, & Ben. I love how each of them are missing teeth. If you click on the picture I think it will come up bigger and you can see.

This is Lyman with another one of his many lady admirers, Madilynn. It was really funny to see how many girls liked to be around Lyman. He is no fool either, he gathered more girls around him when he brought Ruby out into the field to play a bit. The girls flocked to him then. I just hope that someday he can be taller than them.

This is Lyman with his teacher, Mrs. McHenry. She has been a great teacher and gave me one of the best mom moments I have ever had today. She was very expressive in how good a reader Lyman is and how she thinks he ought to be able to do chapter books. She was very impressed with him and it made me feel proud of my little boy.

I am thankful for a successful first year in school for my oldest. He is growing up so quickly though.

Thankful Thursday

2011-05-26T14:21:00.000-04:00

I have been totally a lame blogger these days. I have only kept to my Thankful Thursdays. And I could say something even more lame like "I've been really busy" and although it probably would be true I still think I could do better.

Tomorrow we leave to visit Andrew's brother and sister-in-law in the cheese state of Wisconsin. I am thankful for the chance to visit with them. I have been excited to go to their house and see them for months now. The kids have not seen these cousins in like two years and so it is about time. Woot!

I am also thankful that I have such awesome friends who have supported me by acting like a bunch of crazed groupies when it comes to my book. They have read every chapter and given me praise and suggestions. It made the writing process that much more fun and exciting. I loved getting to hear what they thought of some surprise or twist in the plot. It was fun because at those times I forget that I wrote it and I can be just as excited about it as they are. It feels like I am playing chess with myself sometimes and I get silly enough to feel excited when I win. This week, actually yesterday, I finished my book. I formatted it and compiled all the chapters into one document and then printed it for editing. The thing is 200+ pages long (1.5 spaced of course) and over 108K words!! Think of a half a ream of paper full of words. I look at it and cannot believe I did that. It has been fun because I was looking back at the early chapters and thinking to myself, "Ohh I remember when that happened" and I realize that a book's amount of things have happened to my characters.

I am thankful for my nephew who started his mission at the MTC yesterday for the Singapore Mission. He is one of my dearest friends and I am so proud of his commitment. He was one of those who was a book groupie for me. Yay Micah!

I am also super thankful for my three incredibly nutty, adorable and smart kids.

Thankful Thursday

2011-05-19T13:17:00.000-04:00

I am thankful for days in the park.

PS: Sometimes this is how we wash our kids.

Thankful Thursday

2011-05-12T13:24:00.000-04:00

I am thankful for my new camera - my old one was in serious need of being retired. We were lucky if after pressing the button the picture took within a few seconds or so it felt. I was getting tired of taking pictures of my kids as their smiles faded to half smiles and odd grimaces because the shutter was so slow that it never captured their sweet smiles quick enough.

It is a present from Andy for my birthday.

I am thankful also for the bright sunshine we have enjoyed the last few days. It is so warm out and delightful that we have spent lots of our days during the day outside enjoying the fresh air. After such a long winter I don't feel too bad that the house chores are forgotten in the delight of watching my kids play outside.

I am thankful for the sweet little boy that I have. He has such a cute little personality. I watch him wait for the bus every day and nearly every morning he finds some stick out in the grass and fights a vicious and terrible imaginary foe in a life or death sword fight. Then the bus comes and he flings the stick back into the grass and runs up the steps of the bus. I chuckle to myself at the scene of his impressive dance across the driveway as he valiantly swings his sword. I am also thankful that he is big enough to read and write. This means he writes me love notes and stories. He made me the cutest book at school about me. The pictures and things he wrote in it about me were hilarious and tender. Nothing compares to the feeling a mother gets when their child learns to write "I love you Mom."

Thankful Thursday

2011-05-05T21:11:00.000-04:00

I am thankful for the sweet kisses Ruby gives. I love how she even makes the "ohh" sound when she gives them. She is such a sweet little girl. I am thankful for the delight she has whenever Dad comes home from work. She laughs and squeals in impatient excitement for him to come in the door and pick her up. As soon as he does she gets the biggest self satisfied smile on her face ever. It is really sweet especially since I know how much Andy loves it too.

I am thankful for my clean house. I spent the entire day doing a deep clean on it. It feels nice to see everything so sparkling. I am less thankful for the kids who seem to think a clean house is an invitation to find creative ways to mess it up. I banish them to the basement or outside as often as possible under these circumstances. It is that or tie them to their beds which I am told is child abuse.

I am thankful for happy words from dear friends who encourage me in my goals.

Birthing a book

2011-05-03T18:53:00.000-04:00

I was speaking to a friend today and trying to describe the feeling I am getting from attempting to write this book. I have completed about a third of it now amounting to six chapters. As I struggled for the right words to describe the difficult but fulfilling experience I am having I realized that this experience with the book reminds me a lot of the experience of motherhood.

I have found it mentally stimulating - though ultimately exhausting at the end of each time I work on it. It is not a unhappy exhaustion though because there is a feeling of accomplishment in it. It has been intensely satisfying to see the culmination of images and scenes in my head turn into descriptive words on a page. My hard work as a mother is the same way - exhausting, mentally stimulating (sometimes), but rewarding to no end when you see the efforts you are making with your children start to bear fruit.

I have written over 40K words and after curiosity drove me to find out what the average word length of a fiction novel was and upon finding it to be about 120K I was pleased to see that what I imagine will in eventually actually be book length.

The writing process has also proven to be similar to parenting. I am constantly having to think both in the hear and now and in the future. When you write a story you have to make the current plot interesting even as you set up for and prepare for future events. What I do now will effect what happens later and if I do not prepare well enough now the end product will not be the ultimate happy accomplishment I hoped for. It is all the same with parenting.

It is exciting to me to see myself complete something that I never imagined being able to do before. It will have been one of the single most difficult things I have done and I anticipate the satisfaction I will feel will be great considering the rewards I am already feeling for having put in the effort.

Thankful Thursday

2011-04-28T20:00:00.000-04:00

I am thankful to finally be finished with putting the mulch down. We finished last week but I had not gotten the chance to put up photos. It was a back breaking job that really needed to be done. Now our gardens look splendid though!

Lyman and Corilynn needed some serious scrubbing in the bath after their fun with the mulch pile.

Just in case you are wondering how big a pile 8 sq yds is - its big. Really big. Cover your driveway and make your garage useless big. It also was just enough to cover the flowerbeds all over our lawn and the perimeter of our house. Thank goodness!

Strange Occurances

2011-04-24T15:38:00.000-04:00

Strange occurrences have been happening at the Mackrory home recently. For one our four year old daughter has been maturing physically much faster than we were expecting. She proudly told us when we took this picture that she was being a "mom". Awesome.

Another bizarre sight was the one I found of the gruesome contorted death of a baby doll on my kitchen floor. I'm not sure if I should seek therapy after discovering it for PTSD or for having thought it was funny enough to photograph.

Thankful Thursday

2011-04-21T15:49:00.000-04:00

I am thankful for take out. After finishing the last of the weeding and putting mulch down on the flower beds around our house for the last three and half hours. I am thankful to have done my good for my family today and I'm clocking out for the evening! The only thing I have to do is figure out where I'm going to order dinner from.

Jacket Hysteria

2011-04-20T08:36:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I seriously want to throw my hands up and scream like a crazy person into the sky. This crazy person in me usually comes out in the mornings around 8:10 am when Lyman needs to be outside for the bus in 5 minutes. The crazy person just doesn't understand why it takes 10 or more requests to get jackets and shoes on, backpacks packed and attitudes gone.

Today the crazy person came out when 10 minutes before this crazy person's wonderful oldest offspring needs to leave for the bus she asked him to find his jacket so that it was ready when he needed to go. Five minutes later this crazy person sees said offspring playing lightsabor fight with himself - the jacket is nowhere in sight. Crazy person reminds offspring she asked him to go do something. Offspring doesn't remember what was asked. Crazy person with clinched jaw repeats request - biting tongue when expletives would like to be released (not really - crazy person doesn't curse but sometimes really wants to!). Offspring runs around looking for his favorite jacket - gray zip up hoodie. The jacket is nowhere to be found and time is up. Crazy person gives him another jacket (essentially same thing - but pullover no zipper and red). Offspring breaks into hysteria over how he doesn't like that jacket. Crazy person can see the future and the future does not make her happy as it entails her having to get three kids and her own disheveled self into a car to drive offspring to school when he misses the bus over stupid jacket fashion preferences. It is not recommended for crazy people to drive cars anyway.

Crazy person throws her hands up in the hair and groans at the ceiling. Crazy person marches right up to offspring, puts red jacket on, explains that if he had been looking when she asked him to at first he may have had time to find cooler grey jacket and putting offspring's backpack in his hands pushes him out the door. Crazy person thinks about locking door behind him. Crazy person instead goes to sit by window to watch that he gets on the bus. One minute later bus picks up offspring with backpack worn backwards to hide the offensive red jacket and while he still is protesting wildly about having to wear it. Crazy person wonders if she is a mean mom. Crazy person sits down on computer to blog so that she can transform back into normal person.

A book by me?

2011-04-16T18:13:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning very early with the details to the beginning of a book. I couldn't get them out of my mind and instead they kept coming to me with greater detail. I decided to sit down at the computer and write them out. It was amazing to me how easily the words and storyline flew from my fingers. Before I knew it I had typed a 12 page first chapter. I am very excited about it as it is the first time Ive had more of a storyline in my head than a short story. This one could be my first book! It felt very natural and best of all I had so much fun writing it! Yay!

Thankful Thursday

2011-04-14T19:48:00.001-04:00

I am thankful for big bathtubs and heating pads for sore muscles. I did a lot of gardening today - moving 3 sq yards of mulch around the flower beds. Boo for having 5 more sq yards to go.

Les Miserables

2011-04-12T14:49:00.001-04:00

I have never attended a Broadway play but have always loved the theatre. See I even spell the word like a thespian would instead of theater. I loved being in the plays in high school and taking my kids to a play at the local HS last fall. When I was 16, my family went to NYC to visit when my brother graduated from Princeton. Most of us got tickets to see the Broadway musical - Les Miserables. The afternoon of the performance I gave my ticket to one of my family members in exchange for the $80. I, in my teenage stupidity, thought Id rather have the spending money. I regretted it even that evening when they all went and had a brilliant time.

So when the show came to Cleveland and our friends asked us if we wanted to go with them I readily said yes. On Saturday we went to the matinee showing of it. Our friends were able to procure really good seats through their employment and we were thrilled to see we had our own box right dead set in the middle front row balcony. They were the best seats in the house. The view was spectacular and the show was everything I could have imagined. I love the story of Les Miserables and it was a real moving thing to see it performed. Our seats gave us access during the intermission to some fancy pants lounge with complimentary snacks. I felt like royalty. It was awesome. We even had a personal waiter to take an order for us in our box for refreshments when we resumed our seats. Of course that meant we had to order something right? We did and it was there in less than 5 minutes - transmitted through his little computer thingy. The pictures below are of us at afterwords in the lobby of the Palace Theatre in Cleveland. It was a pleasure to go with Andy to the show. I sort of felt like Elizabeth Darcy being escorted to the theatre by Darcy in the Darcy Box. Yeah I know - Im obsessed.

Thankful Thursday

2011-04-07T18:58:00.000-04:00

Last Thursday I forgot to post - it was such a busy week that it was Saturday before I realized I forgot. Andy then suggested for a change that week I should do a Selfish Saturday. Funny boy.

Today I have something really special to be thankful for. This week, one of my friend's father past away unexpectedly. As I have helped her through this unexpected loss as best as I could - and I know I cant begin to understand what she is going through - I realized how fortunate I have been when it comes to not having had a loss like this before. I have never really lost a loved one, with exception to elderly grandparents - and their deaths were expected after long years of sickness. I haven't had close friends pass away, lost children, siblings, parents - nobody. I can count on one hand and not even fill it up the number of funerals I have attended. I am thankful for this. I understand that when we die we don't cease to exist. I know that God lives and loves us and that there is a plan in place for each of us. I know that our spirits live on. This knowledge comforts me when I think about and see the pain my friend is going through. I am thankful for this knowledge. I am thankful that my own dear parents are still living. They are older than this friend's father. I worry about them because I know that I am getting to that stage in life when their lives are in their final decades. My dad is 68 yrs old and I worry about him when he lifts heavy things or does construction on our family cabin.

I am thankful that for now, we are all still together on this earth. But if tomorrow came and my family was taken from me I am also thankful to know that this will not be the end of us. That we are a forever family - and we will be united once again in the life after this.

RIP Rachael

2011-04-05T18:10:00.000-04:00

Our beloved fish, Rachael, has passed on from us after a lengthy life of almost 3 weeks. The autopsy report is inconclusive - it could have been a result of lack of feeding for a day or two, over feeding by zealous children on other days, or the food being stored in an old antibiotics medicine bottle. The paper boat placed inside the fishbowl (the bedlamite responsible for that has not come forward) that sank to the bottom made for a sad shipwreck next to a upside down fish. I'm starting to think our family isn't ready for the responsibilities of a pet. Rachael will have left us with some happy memories though - like the time Ruby found a chair pushed up next to the counter where she lived (the culprit here has also not come forward) and had a great time splashing her fingers into the water and learning the word "fish". May she truly (and for the first time in her existence) rest in peace.

Brown Sugar Pork

2011-03-28T08:39:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I made a brown sugar pork roast with fresh cut green beans and mashed potatoes. It was the first time we made it and it was absolutely delightful! We even went as far as taking fancy pants pictures like the food-people do. The caramelizing of the sugar on the roast was perfect and the gravy was a sweet, savory dream.

Hungry?

Thankful Thursday

2011-03-24T15:01:00.000-04:00

I have a lot of things floating about my head to be thankful for today. I have had friends recently who have been there, said the right thing, at the right moment, for me that changed the outlook I was having. Recently my husband championed me and my merits and talents in a way that made me feel so loved and valued. These were unrelated events but that made me feel loved and protected by the people around me.

I am also thankful for the fun I have had getting to know the girl who is coming to our house in August as our new exchange student. She is sweet, funny and kind. We look forward to brainwashing her into our lazy American ways. JK We'll have her dipping her french fries in her chocolate shakes and screaming at football games in no time. As long as we can make sure she is screaming at the right team I think it will work out alright!

I am thankful for the quirky regency novels I have been reading lately. They have such fun words in them that I can use in my daily life. The British people are so cute sometimes. One such word is often used when talking to a little kid. They call the kid a poppet. ie "Come here poppet" I talked to Andy about it and he said his Mom used to call him poppet every now and then. I just gushed - my sweatheart a poppet- it was so cute to think of. I wanted to call him poppet myself. I think the regency time period is so romantic but I could never live in that time. It irks me to no end in these books when people have these huge misunderstandings because nobody will simply tell their feelings. Really people! I have a terrible habit of getting too into a story that I start to believe it is about real people. That is why I cant stand that dastardly Wickham! Give me five minutes with that rake and Ill teach him a lesson he wont forget! My husband has to remind me they are just stories. Im not sure he is right - maybe out there somewhere...... Besides if they are just stories how is it that I met my very own Mr. Darcy in Andy? Mr FitzAndrew Darcy. Man, I am so funny.

Prayers and Hairs

2011-03-22T21:33:00.000-04:00

If you promise not to tell, I will let you in on a little secret of mine. Every night when I kneel next to Lyman's bed to listen to his prayers, I strategically place my head next to where his hands are. Why do I do this? Because of a secret indulgence. I love to have my hair played with. My sisters and I would play with each other's hair and it always feels so nice and calming to me. If I bow my head near his hands to listen to his prayers - he will unconsciously play with my hair while he prays. I pretend not to notice and for the few brief moments of his prayer I get to to experience to lovely things at once - his sweet words to God and the tingling of little fingers running through my hair.

Not exactly the most awesome...

2011-03-20T18:27:00.000-04:00

Friday night we watched a movie together as a family. Afterwards when Lyman was being put to bed by Andy the topic of the orphan on the movie came up. Now before you pass judgements as to what horrid movie we chose to watch with our children - it was Despicable Me, and it was hilarious. Anyway, the following conversation occurred - or very close to it.

Lyman: "What is an orphan?
Dad: "Sometimes an accident might happen and both of a kids parents die"
Lyman: "Oh"
Dad: "But you shouldn't worry about that because Mom and I try to be very careful so that we don't have any accidents like that. But if it did happen you would not be an orphan because you would go to live with your Aunt So-in-so [name omitted]."
Lyman: "Okay"
Dad: "We aren't going to let any accidents happen to us because we know we are the most awesome parents for you."
Lyman: "Well not exactly.... because they have a double light saber." [the they in this case is of course Aunt So-in-so and her family]

It is good to know that if such an unfortunate event should occur as to take both my life and Andy's our son will cope relatively well with his access to a double light saber. Also its kind of a sad day when you find out you aren't the most awesome set of parents in the eyes of your child. LOL

Putting the pleasant topic of our deaths aside, we have a new addition to our home and family. I left Andy to his own devices for the whole day to watch the kiddos while I took off for a day of girl talk and crafts with some friends. I came home to welcome our new fish, Rachael. The name came as the first name both Lyman and Corilynn could agree on. I think it is cute to note that the first choice Lyman had was Alex, the name of his long time favorite girl friend at church. She also happens to be the only girl Lyman wishes to wed when he -with grunts of 6 yr old displeasure- has to marry. I have no qualms with my future daughter-in-law, she is super cute.

Thankful Thursday

2011-03-17T14:31:00.001-04:00

Today I am thankful for Ruby's giggles. They are just the sweetest little things. Whenever I hear her little twinkling laugh I am overcome with the desire to make her laugh again. Her face contorts into the cutest little cheeky grin and her little thumb sucking buck teeth pop out. I am always amused at how she can detect quicker than any of my other kids when I have a treat in my hand. Its like she can smell it and comes waddling over to me with her palm out without a doubt in the world that Ill give her some of my spoils. And I do. She gets into such mischief though. I'm afraid she will probably drive me insane someday. Man, I love that little monkey!

As promised I have supplied you with pictures of the results of my folly. My curiosity got the better of me and my charm got the better of Andy and I convinced him after a week of being sick and not shaving to shave a goatee. I think he looked quite dashing but I'm pretty sure I think he would look dashing anyway. In the end he didn't like it and I wasn't so in love with it to try to have him keep it so he shaved but here is the pictures either way. I made him do a silly side pose - so serious!

I am thankful for the lovely winter wonderland snow we got last week. I am certainly looking forward to seeing more sun and having spring come and even now the sun is shining and the snow is gone. I don't miss it but it sure looked pretty while it was here.

Thankful Thursday

2011-03-10T14:18:00.002-05:00

It has been a while since I have posted any picture updates. I am thankful to be able to do so now. The winter has felt very long and the snow has kept us inside quite a lot. After such a long time it is very likely that we could contract a common illness known as Cabin Fever. It causes the people of the house to do strange things.

For example below is a picture of Corilynn with her hair done up in pin curls ready for bed. The picture of the results is also below. When you get bored you have to do something to entertain yourself. I did pin curls all over her head and to prevent them from falling out over night I had to find some sort of cap. Don't look too closely or else you might figure out that I most certainly did not use an extra new pair of those hospital underwear they give you after you have a baby. :) That would be most imprudent of me and besides Id have to use a leg hole over her head and then twist them around to use the other leg hole again. It just wouldn't have been right to put underwear on my daughter's head so believe me when I say I didn't use them and they didn't work fabulous.

Also when you have cabin fever you are willing to let your daughter get into her play make up and are willing to skimp on the supervision a bit. I'm just thankful that her coordination and taste should improve by the time she is old enough to wear real make up. I hope.

I am thankful for the silly grins I get from this little girl when I catch her in the act of destroying my house. She looks at me with those big blue eyes and those thumb-sucking buck teeth and I'm hopelessly lost.

I am thankful for giggly girls and pink pjs.

And most of all I am thankful for the bit of sunshine we received a few weeks ago that enabled us to venture out of our cave and encourage a little vitamin D restoration. The kids had such a wonderful time rediscovering their back yard and bikes. Ruby especially liked it as it seems the first time she has really had the mobility to walk around the yard.

This week our family was in germ warfare. Andy and I got so sick. Sicker than we have been in a long time. I was first and then Andy came down with it too. The kids ran wild through the house like jungle cats fending for themselves and loving every minute. When I recovered and Andy didn't he went to the doctors and found he had strep throat. Lovely. Anyway I am thankful that we are all better and that the house can get back to normal a bit. However - and pictures to come - Andy didn't shave for almost a week because of being ill and so I convinced him to shave but leave a goatee. I think he looks handsome but we both don't want him to keep it. He is however going to wait until just before church on Sunday to shave it so we can get the full effect. Mustache March is here!

Thankful Thursday

2011-03-03T17:07:00.002-05:00

I am thankful that Andy was feeling sick enough to day to take a sick day but not so sick that he cant just take care of me all day as I am infinitely worse with this head cold.

School Bus Love

2011-03-02T13:35:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Lyman came off the bus with a ginormous grin on his face and immediately turned and looked out the window at the bus driving away. When he turned around again he was laughing. I asked him what he was so happy about. He said he got to sit next to a girl on the bus - Lela. I asked him about her - was she his friend, did he like her etc. He said she was poking his hair on the bus and that it was funny. He said she was cute and that he "kinda" liked her. He told me that she asked the bus driver nicely if she could sit with him since they usually have different assigned seats. He has talked about her before and so I knew he sort of liked her. I asked what she looked like and he decided he would draw me a picture. It had a remarkable resemblance to Napoleon Dynamite's drawing of his date to the dance. So I told him he should give the picture to her. He blushed and said no. I told him girls like it when boys draw pictures for them. He blushed again and said this picture was just for me.

I'm "kinda" glad that although there are girls that catch his eye, I'm still the only girl for him and the only one he draws pictures for.

Lyman Wit

2011-02-28T13:33:00.000-05:00

Lyman is our favorite, and smartest "boy that is the oldest" in our family. He is always thinking and it is always amusing when he shares those thoughts with us.

For example, whenever he tastes something he really likes - a dinner I make, dessert or candy he fancies - whatever, he will say afterwards in only the way he can how much he liked that food. He paints a picture of the ultimate in living when it comes to that food. He says "I wish I had a house made of this." Because we all know that if something is really good, you want to surround yourself with it and in the little working gears of his mind having a house made of Lemon Creme cake would be the best thing in the world.

On Saturday, Andy and I were lazying around in bed at the degenerate hour of 8 am! Our kids were pestering us to get our of bed and we were happily ignoring them - relishing in having no real reason to get up yet. Lyman said something how we should get up because it was already 8 o'clock! Andy said we didn't need to because it was Saturday. I told him that when you are a parent you can do anything you want. Lyman responds "Like eat as much candy as you want?" Softly chuckling to ourselves we responded in the affirmative. After a moments consideration Lyman said "When I am a parent I am going to get up at midnight and go downstairs to play in the basement, if I have one." This is where we outright laughed. I love the way his mind seems to imagine life as an adult in terms of childhood desires.

Thankful Thursday

2011-02-24T10:02:00.000-05:00

Orange Juice.

I am thankful for that sweet, tangy citrus taste in my mouth and the cool, refreshing feel of it as I drink it. I am considering putting in an IV tap of the stuff.

Hot dates.

I am thankful for the cute guy who called yesterday from work to ask me on a date for tonight. It made me giggle like I was a little girl with a crush again.

Diaper waddles.

I am thankful for the funny way babies walk when they are learning - all wide legged and wobbly because of their diapers. It makes me smile every time I see it.

First Kiss

2011-02-20T13:51:00.003-05:00

When I was a kid I spent most of my summers outdoors. I ran barefoot most of the time in cut-off jeans, and a dusty old hand-me-down t-shirt. My hair was pretty feral and usually never combed. Flat chested and ferocious I would ride my bike around the neighborhood with the rest of the kids. My bike was old and well worn but it had solid rubber tires that never went flat. It also had broken pedals that would be like horizontal stakes for my feet instead of a small surface to push against. I would make jumps off sidewalks and try to skid my tire on the gravel left over from the salt and sand trucks from winter storms.

My bike gang consisted of a several kids from the neighborhood living in the houses near mine. We were a bunch of boys and girls from between the ages of 8-11. My yard was the biggest and had a slope from the top of the driveway through the grass and we could get some serious speed going before heading straight for the sidewalk for our big jumps. Sometimes we even cleared extreme altitudes of 6-8 inches. Cars would honk and drivers would bare their fists (or worse) at us as we heeded nothing before blaring into the middle of the road after our jumps. It was in the middle of the road that my sister taught me to ride my bike after all.

My first kiss was during the summer. Somebody had found Popsicles and had distributed them around everyone. Some of us sat lounging on the edge of the sidewalk while others propped themselves up astride their bikes leaning from foot to foot as we balanced. There was this one kid and to think of it I'm not sure any of us really knew his name. He was one of the oldest like me. He told another boy that I was his girlfriend. I thought, well I am a girl, and he is my friend so I guess that is right. The sun was hot and we kept eating our Popsicles. After a few more bike runs one of our parents called us in for dinner.

When you get called in for dinner it isn't like someone comes to you and asks you to come in. The gang would disperse only to the sound of a parent shouting out the front door the name of the kid wanted. Usually it was my Mom shouting for me and my siblings. It was like the siren call and we shrugged off to our own homes. Riding full speed into the grass I would jump off the bike while in motion - never missing a beat as I caught my stride and ran the steps up to my door two at a time.

Sometime later, who knows really how long, since summer days always run together and kids never keep track, I found myself again in a loose circle amongst my summertime friends. It was a funny lot. Even more interesting was how it would change through the seasons. During the school year we were different grades and had different friends. We hardly acknowledged each other on the bus. Boys and girls would separate, ages would differentiate and the school year months would roll on. When the summer time came all the stringent codes of kid set propriety fell away and we were just kids in the neighborhood again. But I've gone off topic. My first kiss.

Well I was in a loose circle with the friends. Most of us had thrown our bikes in to the grass and sat resting on the sidewalk. I sat leaning super cool like on seat of my bike as I would lean from one side to the other on one leg. Next to me was the kid nobody knew his name. There was a kid named Allen sitting across the circle from us. Now a moment for Allen. For some reason he wanted to go by his other name James when he got into high school. It was cooler I guess but we all knew him as Allen. He lived a few houses down from us. I kept calling him Allen until I left home. Phff! James, whatever. Anyway this Allen kid looked up and scoffed at Noname next to me. He said "she isn't your girlfriend."

Noname said, "yes she is - we are the fastest kids here."

Allen "That doesn't make her your girlfriend. You have to kiss her to make her your girlfriend. "

I thought, I'm not sure I know where this is going. Ive got to get Allen to shut up. "He is my boyfriend and you better shut it Allen or I'm going to kick you in the shin."

One of the other kids said "You have to kiss her." As if on cue, the rest of the Parker North Neighborhood Bike and Scooter Gang chimed in and echoed the rule about kisses and boyfriends.

Noname spoke out, "Fine then Ill kiss her!" And then awkwardly Noname put his arm around my shoulder buddy style and looked at me. I gave him a smile that was more of a grimace. We looked back at the rest of the kids who were all leaning in - all anticipation and fascination.

Somebody voiced their impatience and somebody else said something about us being chickens. I thought, I don't know how to kiss a boy. Everyone is looking at me and Noname. Nervously I shifted from foot to foot causing Noname to shift on his bike too. We shifted uneasily side to side on our bikes with our arms weirdly placed on each other's shoulders. We looked like were were rocking on a boat. We stayed that was for what was probably only a few seconds but felt like a really long time.

"Fine!" Noname shouted at their jeers and he looked at me again. His hair was blond and sticking up on one side more than the other side. He wore a ragged tank top and cut off jeans like me. I fidgeted nervously with the bits of denim fraying at the bottom of my shorts and looked at him. He gave me a face that seem to say "I hope this isn't gross". I echoed that in my thoughts.

For the briefest of moments the rest of our spectator group fell silent as he moved his head closer to mine. We were still awkwardly astride our bikes next to each other - shoulder to shoulder. It made our necks have to crane unnaturally towards our target. Then it happened. His lips were soft, and hot and were gone in a nano-second. An electrical current shot down me at the moment his lips squished mine and my heart beat wildly. Then we turned red faced back to our crowd and stammered our triumphant murmurs over their previous accusations. In another moment later, my name was yelled out into the summer heat for me to come home. I didn't know what the proper goodbye was when you had a boyfriend. So I gave Noname a few friendly taps on his back where my limp arm still hung. We released our arms. I said goodbye to the gang and took off like a horse at the starting gate towards my home.

Riding like the wind I jumped my bike up onto the curb as I neared home, out of the street. Then turned when I hit my yard and let the grass slow me down as I again hopped off the bike while in motion letting it skid to a stop as I ran towards the stairs to my house. My lips still tingled and I touched them briefly on the way up the stairs. I looked back and the gang had broken up and Noname was riding down the street.

The next day I was worried about going out to ride bikes. I went anyway, I was the fastest and probably one of the best jumpers. I had a reputation to uphold there because in the summertime gang world of politics if you were not there you lost your alpha status. Noname didn't come for a few days. When he did return he and I were alphas again but we didn't really talk about the kiss. I guess we had broken up. That was alright with me.

Thankful Thursday

2011-02-17T17:26:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for the everyday moments of life that we are able to capture.

What are brothers for if not to put bunny ears behind their sister's head when a picture is taken?

Half an inch of ice on every branch - not fun for driving - but super pretty if you can stay warm inside.

Lyman is ever creative. Here he is proudly displaying the shoulder caps he made for his marching outfit.

Andrew and the kids wrote me a note in the snow - one they knew I would appreciate, "Let it NOT snow"

Ruby occasionally finds time to get a workout on the Wii Fit.

Admittedly not a great photo of myself, but this picture was taken because all three of us were sitting contentedly watching the 6 hr BBC Pride and Prejudice movie.

A life of love notes

2011-02-14T18:16:00.001-05:00

[Every year Andy writes me a love note in this book he got me a few years ago on Valentine's Day. He adds a love note after last year's. Every year I start with the first year and I read each Valentine's love note until I get to the most recent one. I love seeing how our love has grown and become more tender and sweet over the years. This is this year's love note in my Valentine Book.]

Dearest KaraLynne,

The longer I know you and the more people I meet the more I deeply understand how many amazing qualities you have that are so rare and so perfect for our relationship. I love you more and more as time goes on and as I look back at the previous pages I saw that every year I have the same impression that you just get more and more wonderful with time.

You have bewitched me both body and soul and I love, I love, I love you.
Happy Valentine's Day
Andy
xxxxxx

[Sooo umm, my husband is the best. He even knows to quote Pride and Prejudice for me!]

Thankful Thursday

2011-02-10T16:45:00.000-05:00

I had a fun call to my vanity the other day. My good friend from Utah met a person (new to her ward) who mentioned seeing her on this blog she likes to read. Wait for it....its mine! So someone I don't know reads my blog because she likes to follow it. She just happened to see a post where I had a picture of this friend that is in her ward now. So if that girl is reading this... thanks for the celebrity blogger boost - now I can say I have an audience that extends past my Mom and a few other devoted friends and family. Woot!

My attic

2011-02-09T16:42:00.000-05:00

I've got to put it out there. I'm thinking that if I do then it might just make it easier for me to process. It usually works this way for me. When I have something I'm trying to figure out in my mind and cannot - putting things into words usually helps.

I find it hard to believe and simply stupid that I still find myself having a hard time living in Ohio. I feel this is my home. I cant go so far as to say that I could ever claim to be "from Ohio" but I like living here and I know this is where my family needs to be. I knew it was the right place for us when we moved and I am glad we are here. I sincerely hate starting over on things and I think the issue I am having with being here is not so much that I don't like being here but that after all this time I still feel like I am still starting over. I left a lot of really good friends back in Utah who thankfully are still really good friends to me. I came here and had to make new friends here and I have made a lot of new friends. However, I still feel as if I am trying to find someone to be my friend - in a way - to need my friendship like I need theirs.

Its stupid really. I know a lot of really wonderful people here that I have a really good time with but I cant help but feel a bit lonely now and then. I misplace this loneliness in feeling frustrated with my move - that really cant be blamed as it was over 2 yrs ago. It just seems that everyone already has their needs filled. I realized the other day that I am one of those people who really appreciates a good friend. One that reciprocates simple gestures. I feel like a better friend when I am in action. When I can be of use to someone. I think I just need someone to need my help or advice on something. I go to play groups, activities and girls nights with friends here and have a really great time. Then I go home and tend to my kids, care for my husband and manage the house. I don't feel needed by anyone of my friends and sometimes (when I am in particularly dismal and self pitying mood) I wonder if my friendship is valued at all. And of course in my mind I can replace "valued" with "needed" and feel its the same. I think to myself at these times that all my friends have other friends - and since everyone one needs somebody to vent to or share things with occasionally I must not be the one they go to.

The hard part to process is why I am feeling this way. Its not like I have some void in my home life that makes me feel like I need to seek outside sources of fulfillment in friendships. I couldn't have asked for a better friend then Andrew. I also am not complaining about the friendship I have. I know a lot of really freakishly delightful people to spend time with. Maybe its as simple as I wish somebody would call me up and say, "KaraLynne Ive had a bad day, do you have a moment to talk about it?" Then I could be of a service, feel needed and not worry about overstepping some imaginary bound of propriety.

I'm trying really hard here. I work really hard to try to get to know my friends, to try to be a good friend in return. Sometimes though it is exhausting and I have to tell myself maybe I am still being impatient and that time is what is needed. It feels very isolating in the meantime.

I have half a mind to not allow reader comments on this post as I'm not setting out for a pity party or advice. I just need to clear my mind and process the results. Typing something out and putting into cyberspace has the therapeutic effect of clearing the attics in my head. Its almost as if its there, its been said and no matter how disconcerting and vulnerable I would normally feel stating the true feelings of my heart - I can do it without impunity here.

Thankful Thursday

2011-02-03T17:04:00.000-05:00

This week we have had a lot of snow and ice. The weather has been bad enough to prevent Andy from going into work for a little while or having to force him to go home early. Lyman has had snow days too. I love the obligation free feeling of being forced to stay home, cozy in my house with my family. I also love how the snow falls on everything making it blanketed with white. It makes even the ugliest things like trash cans look beautiful. I'm not a fan of the cold so if I could just some how make it feel like 70 outside while everything is pure and white then I should think I would be quite happy in the winter. I am thankful for our little winter storm. Ill also be quite thankful when spring actually arrives in Ohio though.

I'm not sure if I have memory loss or if perhaps the time space continuum has actually shifted but I only just blinked and when I looked upon my littlest baby she was beginning to look less like a baby to me and more like a little toddler. I'm not sure how this happened or when. It makes me a bit sad to see her face maturing out of that baby roundness. I talk to her and all of a sudden she knows what I am saying and is responding. I ask for kisses and she leans her face into my cheek to bestow open-mouthed pats on my cheek. If I say "bonk" she leans her head and lets our foreheads touch. When I ask her where her baby is she toddles off (walking!!!!) to get her baby and bring it back to me. Then she takes her pacifier out and gives her baby open-mouthed kisses. When did my time with her as a baby slip from my fingers? I am thankful though for slobber kisses and bruised foreheads for now.

The other night I was teasing my husband about getting old. I know we are relatively young but we have been married for nearly 9 years now and I am starting to see glimpses of our lives and futures together - where we really, truly grow old together. I always anticipated we would grow old together but now I am seeing it happen. It all started when I saw a picture of my husband from when we were engaged. He looked so baby faced! I don't think he really has aged much in his appearance but in that look in his face from that picture I saw all the things he had yet to experience with me. When I look at him now it isn't so much that he looks old but that he has those memories of us in his eyes. His look tells a story of 9 yrs and three children. I remember how silly and young we were. We haven't really changed but it is fun to see our love mature through tender moments along the way. Just now as I was sitting collecting my thoughts to continue this post I was caught up in memories and I looked around at my kids playing a few feet away at the table. I remember how each one added to our family a different element and adjusted our marriage in a new way. They were all babies once too. I am most thankful this week to have awakened to the loveliness of what our marriage journey has done to both of us. I hope a few of my wrinkles and wayward curves tell as much of that loveliness as the grey hairs and eye creases on my husband do.

Thankful Thursday

2011-01-27T13:31:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for sleeping babies.

Me = Weirdo

2011-01-25T15:57:00.001-05:00

I am one of those weirdos that will laugh out loud - literally bust out choking with laughter while doing relatively sedate tasks like reading. If I find a passage in a book funny, I don't let out passive ladylike singular chuckles- I often loose it for a few minutes before going back to the book. My kids and husband stop what they are doing and just stare at me. Same thing when watching TV or listening to the radio. What is most embarrassing is when I laugh out loud to one of my own errant thoughts.

I have a weird fascination with the study of body language. I find it totally engrossing. One item of universal understanding in body language is when someone rubs their hands together quickly. It means they are excited or anticipating something exciting. My dad always does this at the point in the movie or show where he is most hooked into the plot and cant wait for the outcome. I always thought this was such an endearing part of him. The other night my husband caught me doing it too. That makes me smile.

In my head I think there is nothing so romantic as when men and women used to call each other sir and madam and Mr. Rochester and Miss Eyre etc. Even when they are married. I tried it the other day and I fumbled out Mr. Mackrory and all I got was a weird look. Bah- romantic for sure!

On the subject of romance I think the very best romantic scenario (and it is universally every woman's dream) is when it seems a man cant help himself but to fall in love with a woman and she is totally unaware of it. Like Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth Bennett. Of course Andrew will be the first to say he was under my spell quite quickly himself. As it were, "I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." P&P.

I take profuse pleasure in tax season. I think in another life I could have been an accountant. I love crunching the numbers, checking the figures and finding every last bit of detail to maximize our tax return. It is satisfying in a very cruel way to feel so nerdy and like it.

Thankful Thursday

2011-01-20T10:53:00.000-05:00

I have a secret. In the mornings when I am laying bed and I hear little footsteps coming into my room I pretend to keep sleeping as a silently slide my arm across the bed to Andrew's empty space (he has already left for work). Moments later a small body climbs into bed on that side and finding my hand, slips its own hand into mine. I lay there pretending to sleep as I listen to the irregular rhythms of the the small body's breathing. The little body is my 6 yr old son who like me says nothing about our little moment of holding hands. He lays there occasionally holding his breath and then releasing it. I listen and for a moment I can see the situation for what it is. In my minds eye I can see him growing everyday bigger and less needful of me. Just like that little body, I figuratively breath irregularly and hold my breath at times as I anticipate the day when he figures out that his Mom isn't his best girl or the only girl that isn't gross to him. Sisters and friends at school that are girls are gross. Mom isn't. I am thankful for that and until that day comes I will continue to sneak my arm across to strategically place it where he will find it and place his hand in mine.

My nephew calls me sometimes. He calls and says "hey I've got something fun to tell you, get on skype" - I laugh like I'm 12 and run to the computer to turn it on. He is 18 now and in his second semester of college at BYU. Talking to him brings me back to the coursework, roommates and daily life of college. Hearing his funny stories of the girls, friends and shenanigans he gets in to keeps me feeling young. I love talking to him because he is one of my good friends. With us there is no generation gap. Last night he had a personal narrative to read me that he wrote for one of his classes. It was laughably similar to the silly "video diaries" we do with each other over skype. Looking into the camera we make up silly stories of trial and personal anguish for as long as we can manage it before the other person's face makes us laugh. I am thankful for family.

I'm a hopeless romantic. I have often had in my mind how it would be romantic to read a book to my husband. One with humor, intrigue and of course a bit of love. I imagine us laughing at funny parts as we go through the story and I imagine the way Andrew's face would light up as he tried to figure out what is going to happen next in the plot. I convinced him last night to let me try this. I chose a book and started reading. It was a quiet and serene hour and as my voice caught the rhythm of the book and the words sputtered out without hiccups the moment was just as I had hoped it would be. I am thankful for a husband who will try new things with me and who if I dare say is just as hopeless and just as romantic as I am.

Thankful Thursday

2011-01-13T10:42:00.000-05:00

I am thankful to be able to see the future.

Allow me to explain. Yesterday I had a great conversation with Lyman who is 6 and in kindergarten. We were eating lunch and I was sitting across from him. I started to ask him various questions about his kindergarten class. How big, how many girls or boys, etc. I asked him if there were any girls in his class that he thought were cute. He squinted his eyes and looking to the side gave a grimace as he gave a no. It was funny to see that the idea was kind of gross to him. I laughed as his face told more than his words and thought how funny it was to see how he thought girls were gross. So I teased him, saying something to the effect of how that was good because you shouldn't really get married until you are in the 1st grade.

The burst of laughter and mirth that bubbled up from him nearly made him fall out of his chair. What a ridiculous idea! I could not help but laugh too as his was contagious. I was hooked. I kept teasing him with questions about each grade higher for a few minutes producing each a new wave of giggles and shaking his head at my craziness.

I looked at him with a smile on my face thinking if only I could have captured this on video too because in 10 years he will have quite a different opinion on whether or not girls are gross. I could see the future in that moment. I could feel what it might feel like for him to have his little heart pricked with the first inklings of love and admiration of a girl. I wondered who this girl would be to be the first to waken his heart. It was one of those moments you get as a mom where you suddenly see their future for a brief second and you cant help but be excited for them. If I were to tell him that in a few years he would be singing a different tune he would have laughed at me again. I love knowing these little bits of truths about his future and seeing him discover them himself. However, I do have to say for now (after briefly considering he will find them physically attractive too) I am glad that he still thinks girls are gross.

I have a dream...

2011-01-10T08:09:00.000-05:00

This morning I had a wonderful moment with my son. It started when I mentioned to him that he didn't have school next Monday. He asked why not and I replied that it was a holiday. He wondered which holiday it was and so I told him it was Martin Luther King Jr Day. This gave me the chance to explain the story of that great man and what kind of a country the US was back then to people of his race. I was able to explain what a great example he was of love, acceptance and peace towards people who didn't like them. I was able to teach him about how the country began to change and how people learned to think better. It was a moment of pride in my country and the progress we have made as well as a wonderful moment to teach my child acceptance and love for all people. God bless the USA.

Thankful Thursday!

2011-01-06T11:50:00.001-05:00

While I was getting ready for the day today ( I know shocking - I some times do get myself ready for the day) I was thinking about what I wanted to put on the blog for today's post. The idea came to me and I am most indeed grateful for this.

As many of my friends know, the thing I love most about having a little baby is the nursing. I could skip the pregnancy before I would even skip the labor but in the end what I am looking forward to is the nursing. I have always wanted to nurse my kids. I remember being in a room with my sister when I was just 16 while she nursed my nephew. I asked her about it and I could see the tenderness in the moment. I thought, I really hope I get to nurse my kids.

With Lyman I could not nurse very long. He had a huge overbite which made nursing tiresome for his jaw. With Corilynn I got what I wanted. I nursed her for a long time and it was every bit as tender as I had hoped it would be. It is my reward for subjecting myself to the daily vomiting and achiness of pregnancy. It is the reward I get for 9 months of it. I have nursed through cracking, tearing and bleeding nipples. Those moments, though excruciating were nothing to the sweetness of holding my baby and seeing them snuggle up to me and smile and pat my face while I nursed them.

With Ruby I struggled to keep any kind of milk supply from about 4 months on. It was devastating to me to think I may not get to nurse her as long as I wanted. I prayed so very hard for this blessing. I new it wasn't something that I needed so much as desperately wanted. I took buckets of herbal supplements and my milk came back. It was a blessing given to me because of the faith I placed in the promise given to us in the scriptures that if we ask in faith, for our righteous desires, he will grant them to us. This was a righteous desire of my heart. I prayed to be able to nurse at least to 6 month. I didn't think I could ask Him of much more since I felt it was my selfish wish. I was grateful daily for the blessing of being able to continue to nurse Ruby. At 6 months, I was still greedy for more and I kept praying for longer - if only He could grant me just another couple of months. And this went on - each day feeling like I was on borrowed time and knowing that this was a special tender mercy and blessing from the Lord. As she grew I wished to be able to at least nurse her to 12 months. I would not ask for more and I knew that I was ok with that.

Today I am thankful for this blessing. This blessing that has not only given me the chance to have a beautiful 12 months with my daughter but also many many faith building moments in prayer and supplication. I am thankful for a kind Heavenly Father who knows what blessings to give us and who is so generous in bestowing his love and comfort during difficult times. My whole life I have struggled with asking the Lord for the things that I desire most. Simply because I wanted His will to be done and not my own. I have had little faith that the desires of my heart could in fact be in line with His will at times. I figure if I do not get a blessing that I desire then it will turn out for the better anyway because it has been my experience that His way is always better. Because of this I have usually decided not to ask at all. This has been the first time I have put faith behind my pleadings to have this blessing. Faith that he could and would grant me this blessing. In 20 years when my kids turn through the books of this blog (I print them each year), I hope they will read this passage and remember that God loves them and will hear the desires of their heart and bless them if they will but ask. I hope they see the faults of their mother in the shakiness of her faith at times. I hope it strengthens them in their own faith.

Thankful Thursday

2010-12-30T18:27:00.000-05:00

Woah! Look at me, I almost forgot Thankful Thursday. Guess I'd have to say today I am thankful that Andy's work shuts down for the whole time between Christmas and New Years giving everyone essentially another week of paid vacation. He is home and we have had lots of fun this week and today causing me to forget the day of the week. Yay!

Thankful Thursday

2010-12-23T13:34:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful that my sister Donna and her family are coming for Christmas. I feel very blessed to be able to spend the holidays with family AND from the comfort of my own home. Yay! Last time she was here it was for this:

I am also so very thankful for the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ - and the reason we celebrate this holiday. I often think what it would have felt like to be Mary during this time so long ago. Heavy, burdened with pregnancy. Tired and sore from traveling so long only to find the only rest you can get is in a humble stable. To think that this is the best start you can offer your baby son, the Lord and Savior of the world. I think about those first few moments when you hold your new baby and you feel so much love that baby and you feel the love of God in your life so purely. I think about the few moments of joy she felt intensified by the knowledge of who this little child was in her arms - his mission and purpose on the earth. I think about what a humble and loving man Joseph must have been to accept his wife's calling from God. To hold and comfort and love this child. What worries he must have felt for being able to provide only the lowest of accommodations for his poor, tired wife who was caring the Lamb of God. Merry Christmas everyone - and may the love of God bless your lives during the holidays.

Disease

2010-12-21T08:19:00.001-05:00

Ive been a little out of touch with the world for the past week or so. My family is probably glad that I am coming out of it. You see I have a disease. Its called read-itis. Sometimes I go through a week or so where I get into book after book after book. During these times of read-itis flare ups I am mostly useless. Thankfully for the sake of my home, husband and children - these flare ups end and I can function again. Usually for another couple of weeks. In this week I have read 2700+ pages. Yowzers!

Thankful Thursday

2010-12-16T12:57:00.000-05:00

I've missed a few Thankful Thursdays lately simply because I forgot what day of the week it was with all the glamorous daily activities that I do - like dishes, poopy diapers, laundry, and cleaning. And thinking of these things makes me less grateful actually. Especially, like on a day like today when we are throwing mucho dineros into a new washer after our last one broke - and not into one that I would love to have because we don't want to spend that many dineros - looks like I have a lot more years ahead of me of laundry with a less than awesome machine. Ehhh.

I am thankful though that I am not such a worry freak when it comes to my kids. Ruby just had her 12 month well child check and surprise surprise - she is little. She weighed in at a whopping 17 lbs ALMOST. This puts her at the 3rd percentile. But she is tall - falling around the 60th percentile. Nothing about her moods, development or anything else says malnourished or failure to thrive but her weight. I don't think she is failure to thrive because the girls eats like a horse and moves like a marathoner. However, failure to thrive is what the doctor tells me she is classified as with how small her weight percentile is. I know she is healthy and when I discussed options with the doctor she said she believes she is just small too. We discussed how Andy is in the 85th percentile for his height and in the 5th percentile for his weight himself. She is a miniature version of her Dad - even down to the eating and moving elements. But nothing makes you feel like more of a terrible Mom then to hear your child is failure to thrive. I am thankful though that it didn't get me down long because I also understand what a percentile is. It is a portion of a normal distribution. And all this means is that for 3 percent of the population at her age - that weight IS normal. It just doesn't help that she is so long.

I am thankful for the way I feel when I exercise. This week I upped my distance to 25 miles a week - mixed between speed walking and running. I love the feeling of speed walking for long periods of time and then ending with a good sprint for a half mile or more - It loosens and lengthens my muscles and even though they protest I like the feeling. Confession: I like watching a scary movie on the TV while I use the treadmill - I like to imagine myself in there and when the character runs for her life - I feel it too!