When I got married at 19, I found there were many types of reactions to it. I had those that were thrilled and super supportive. I had others who were nervous for me, didn't want me to make a mistake but were willing to bet on that I was happy and so they were supportive. I had others who were supportive in the not-going-to-say-anything-about-how-crazy-this-is sort of way but who came to the wedding either out of morbid curiosity or because they didn't know how else to act when they received a wedding invite to their old HS classmate, or student. I also had those who were not supportive - I didn't know their reasons, and they never came to ask me mine for getting married but they didn't come to the wedding.
It has been almost 8 yrs since that decision was made. And I have many friends on both side of the matrimonial fence. Some are happily single and some have found their "happiness", if I may use that word as a noun. I cant lie and say that I wasn't a bit hurt when some of my friends didn't come to the wedding but I also couldn't explain adequately my reasons for getting married at that time. I didn't see the age then. All I could see (and still see) is that I found my "happiness" then. Some people find their happiness at 25 or 40 or any range of times in their life. I found mine at 19. When you find your happiness, the only logical and rational and feeling thing to do is to snatch it up and hold it close to you forever. I didn't want to wait until what the world considers a more appropriate age to bind my happiness to me both in heaven and on earth. Why should I have? If I had won the lottery at 19 nobody would be telling me not to spend it until I was at a more sensible age to make the decisions on what to buy. Guess what? I did win the lottery at 19.
I am happy. I have been this whole time. The magical thing about finding your happiness is that when you find it, and if you take care of it, it will only get more and more profound in your life. When others have found their happiness they know, they understand this. Happiness, unlike misery, is not selfish. People with happiness in their lives are thrilled and excited for those who find theirs, and want everyone to find such happiness as they have. The common saying is that misery loves company. People who are unhappy want others to be unhappy as well. It makes them feel better about the voids in their life. When I got married I knew that others wouldn't understand it, I think since then many have come to understand it. Probably there are still those who do not understand it. I don't mind - they will find their happiness someday (I really hope they do) and then maybe we can get together for dinner.
And one more thing, you could say "well she got lucky, she married young but it turned out that they were right for each other." And I would have to say "you are right, I am lucky - lucky to have found my happiness so soon in my life."
Give your happiness kisses tonight. I have 4 happinesses in my life. A kiss for each of them.
15 years ago
7 Comments:
I'm happy for your happiness. And I think that for LDS, the social culture is such that a younger marriage is relatively normal and easier to adjust to without too much craziness. I know that for the typical hard-partying, overtly sexualized college student, getting married so young would probably lead to a less happy outcome. I've always admired that about the LDS group-- you guys are able to marry younger and start families younger, without ever feeling that you're missing out on the "party days." That's partly because your peer group is experiencing things in a similar time frame to you. It's awesome.
I knew when I met Andy that he made you so happy, and while I was nervous (I was only 20 and couldn't IMAGINE being married), I have come to adore him for what he means to you. Congratulations on your happiness, and your other three beautiful hunks of happiness, as well!
That was so beautifully said! I got married at 23 and people still said that was too young. But you're right! When you find that happiness, you just gotta hold onto it. I also had people who didn't like that I was getting married young, and/or didn't like who I was marrying. But I have never regretted it for a second and have been the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. YAY US! Let's hope the rest of them can find what we have found :)
19's not that crazy. I got engaged 2 days after coming home from my mission. That's an awkward announcement to make at one's report to the high council.
Did you just write your wedding dress story? Sounds like you are taking a stroll down memory lane!
I had a lot of people who thought I was "throwing my life away" when I got married at 19 too. I won the lottery at 19 too! That's a great way to put it.Chris and Andrew are great additions to the family.
You are a great writer. I bet there are many people who can relate. Thanks for sharing and making me feel better about being 20!
It's easy to "win the lottery" when you have the blessing of the Lord's confimation of your decision. It is also easy to blow an entire "lottery" of happiness when you do not take care of your good fortunes through good communication, affection, and fully unihibited friendship with the one who brought you that happiness. Darren makes me happier every day. Some days I think I'm crazy but 99.99% of the days I know I'm not.
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