Thankful Thursday!

While I was getting ready for the day today ( I know shocking - I some times do get myself ready for the day) I was thinking about what I wanted to put on the blog for today's post.  The idea came to me and I am most indeed grateful for this.

As many of my friends know, the thing I love most about having a little baby is the nursing.  I could skip the pregnancy before I would even skip the labor but in the end what I am looking forward to is the nursing.  I have always wanted to nurse my kids.  I remember being in a room with my sister when I was just 16 while she nursed my nephew.  I asked her about it and I could see the tenderness in the moment.  I thought, I really hope I get to nurse my kids.

With Lyman I could not nurse very long.  He had a huge overbite which made nursing tiresome for his jaw.  With Corilynn I got what I wanted.  I nursed her for a long time and it was every bit as tender as I had hoped it would be.   It is my reward for subjecting myself to the daily vomiting and achiness of pregnancy.   It is the reward I get for 9 months of it.  I have nursed through cracking, tearing and bleeding nipples.  Those moments, though excruciating were nothing to the sweetness of holding my baby and seeing them snuggle up to me and smile and pat my face while I nursed them. 

With Ruby I struggled to keep any kind of milk supply from about 4 months on.  It was devastating to me to think I may not get to nurse her as long as I wanted.  I prayed so very hard for this blessing.  I new it wasn't something that I needed so much as desperately wanted.  I took buckets of herbal supplements and my milk came back.  It was a blessing given to me because of the faith I placed in the promise given to us in the scriptures that if we ask in faith, for our righteous desires, he will grant them to us.  This was a righteous desire of my heart.  I prayed to be able to nurse at least to 6 month.  I didn't think I could ask Him of much more since I felt it was my selfish wish.  I was grateful daily for the blessing of being able to continue to nurse Ruby.  At 6 months, I was still greedy for more and I kept praying for longer - if only He could grant me just another couple of months.  And this went on - each day feeling like I was on borrowed time and knowing that this was a special tender mercy and blessing from the Lord.  As she grew I wished to be able to at least nurse her to 12 months.  I would not ask for more and I knew that I was ok with that. 

Today I am thankful for this blessing.  This blessing that has not only given me the chance to have a beautiful 12 months with my daughter but also many many faith building moments in prayer and supplication.  I am thankful for a kind Heavenly Father who knows what blessings to give us and who is so generous in bestowing his love and comfort during difficult times.  My whole life I have struggled with asking the Lord for the things that I desire most.  Simply because I wanted His will to be done and not my own.  I have had little faith that the desires of my heart could in fact be in line with His will at times.  I figure if I do not get a blessing that I desire then it will turn out for the better anyway because it has been my experience that His way is always better.  Because of this I have usually decided not to ask at all.  This has been the first time I have put faith behind my pleadings to have this blessing.  Faith that he could and would grant me this blessing.  In 20 years when my kids turn through the books of this blog (I print them each year), I hope they will read this passage and remember that God loves them and will hear the desires of their heart and bless them if they will but ask.  I hope they see the faults of their mother in the shakiness of her faith at times.  I hope it strengthens them in their own faith.