Stuck

I don't know if I am having a mid-pregnancy crisis or what but all of a sudden I feel scared (okay, terrified) to have this baby.  I have never felt this way before having the others.  The closest I ever felt was a bit of nervous energy about the labor - but never fear.  I am not even able to think about the labor right now because all I can think of is how am I going to take care of FOUR kids.  A baby - a newborn!  Right now, my kids can all dress themselves, handle their own bathroom needs, feed themselves.  And yet, some days I feel like I am drowning in their needs.  How can I manage to bring in another child - especially if that child needs EVERYTHING!  Obviously, it is too late now.  I mean I am almost 30 weeks.  And it isn't that I don't love this little girl and want her.  It is just that I guess I am wondering about my abilities and worried about the changes that need to be made to accommodate this little one.

At the same time... I sooooo don't want to be pregnant anymore.  I am just not feeling any of it anymore.  I had to take the glucose (drink of death) last week and was only mere points past their cut off.  Now I have to endure the 3 hour test.  This happened with Ruby and it was a nightmare to experience - I passed the longer test then and will likely this one too but still.  I don't want to do it!  My hips are killing me and the time I have left seems both freaky short and agonizingly long at the same time.  Ugggh.