Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful that being a mother teaches me to look beyond myself and that there are more important things than me. There are too many times as a mother that I have had to multi-task a million different things at the same time - all for needs and comforts of my children and not for myself. Today I went grocery shopping and when I got home I had the perfect storm in my home. It was lunch time so the kids needed to eat, Ruby was hungry too, she had a blow out diaper and so in the middle of getting her cleaned up and preparing to soak her outfit, Lyman needed more food, Ruby was naked and screaming, my sister called needing to vent and I still had to dress the baby, get more food for Lyman and Corilynn, feed Ruby and clean up the mess, bring in groceries and put them away before I could get any lunch for myself.

Having to put others before myself is exhausting and when you are mother, often thankless. I am thankful though that God has given me the strength to do it because there are times I don't want to - I really don't want to do something and still I know the choice I will make and it will always be to do the thing for my kid that they need me to do. Here is another example from my life.

Shortly after Ruby's birth I began to have an injury on my chest from nursing. It was excruciatingly painful and over the last 3 weeks it has gotten worse and worse. When Ruby needs to nurse on that side I am often near or brought to tears. It hurts worse than birth or any other pain I have ever felt. I know I need to keep nursing on that side if I want to keep the milk supply up there and I know that pumping for a while would be less painful but it also doesn't keep the milk supply up as well as nursing directly does. There are a lot of options I could do like formula etc that would eliminate my pain but would not be the best option for Ruby.

Last night when it was that side's turn to be nursed on, I started to cry. I didn't want to do it. I really didn't want to do it. I didn't think I could sit through 15 minutes of that pain again. I was holding Ruby on my lap and she was looking up at me. I thought how I really didn't want to nurse her right now. My hand was on her belly holding her from rolling off my legs as I tried to talk myself into what needed to be done. Then I felt her little tummy rumble and I knew what my choice would be. I would nurse her because she needed the milk that I had inside me. She didn't know what pain it would cause me to get it to her. It is moments like this that I realize that if given the choice again I would always choose to feed her regardless of my comfort. I know I will heal and I know it could take a while to heal. I know that Ruby will never know what I have gone through for her. I know also that in a few months she will look up at me while nursing and start to smile and pat my face and it will be worth the struggle. I also know that I am doing for her what my mother did for me despite the pain. I know also that she could experience the same thing with her baby one day and I hope she will make the same choice. I am thankful today that I am a mother and that motherhood forces me to serve others first.

I am also so grateful today that Ruby has learned to smile and is old enough now to enjoy being in her bouncer seat now that she can focus on the toys and look at them. Here are some pictures of her smiling that I was able to capture while she happily sat in her seat.
Isn't she so beautiful? We are so lucky to have 3 beautiful children.