Crying in the Sink

I don't even know where to begin. I have had such a horrible last day or so with the pregnancy sickness. On top of it I have a tremendous head cold with lots of sinus pressure. I feel so totally useless and awful. You never feel as low and as pathetic as when you are crying the sink because you just threw up your breakfast, your youngest is crying and holding onto your leg and you cant do anything to help either of you. I haven't lost my perspective. If anything I think more about this baby and how totally dependant it is on me. I love it and I can already feel his/her personality and spirit. I love getting to know them during the pregnancy. I get to do that when my husband cant - he has to wait to get to know them once they are born. It is just so hard to have my body go through this. I feel so weak and a lot of my strength is gone. And besides all this I know I am being helped along by Heavenly Father because I feel that strength in me sometimes where I know it cant come from me - my reserves are gone. I laid on the couch afterwards and watched A Baby Story - I usually don't like those shows because all those women are usually so disconnected from their births because they are managed and told what and when to do things by the medical staff that I get upset watching them. It was good this time to see a new little tiny be born. Just before he was born the mother cried and cried telling everyone she couldn't do it anymore and just couldn't do it. How much those words sounded like the thoughts in my head. Then that little baby was born and it was the other half of my thoughts- the moment when it doesn't matter what you went through - it really is worth it all. You cant believe it is worth it until you have your own little tiny in your arms. I need to go and try to get some rest and Gatorade down. I hope things get a little better before our vacation this weekend. Its important to document the good and the bad in our life so we can appreciate when things are good.