Thankful Thursdays

Today I am thankful for the most important thing anyone could be thankful for. I am thankful for the atonement of Jesus Christ. I have felt it most recently so pointedly and I thought it would be neglectful of me to mention anything else on today's edition.

Yesterday evening, after what felt like one of the longest days in history for me, I was putting my kids to bed by myself because Andrew was at scouts. We were in a good mood, me and the kids but Corilynn did something that we have been trying to teach her not to do for a long time now. I was really upset by it and literally at my wits end because we have seriously tried everything. In my frustration I scolded her about it and threatened to take away her little elephant if she kept doing it. She was really upset by this because she really loves that elephant and although I felt kind of bad threatening it I was upset and said it anyway. I then put her to bed quickly and without saying her prayers with her. She was crying when I left the room. I then quickly put Lyman to bed and when I was leaving his room I could hear she had stopped crying in her room.

I had the thought that I should go in there and give her a hug goodnight and tell her I loved her but I didn't because I also thought about how I let her get away with so many more things than Lyman and how I don't discipline her as much when necessary because she is my little princess and so I figured she needed to have this discipline every now and then so that she remembered that she cant do everything she wants and get away with it. I didn't go in and instead went downstairs and flipped the TV on and watched a show.

The rest of the evening I had this "off" feeling. Like sort of Blah but I didn't think of Corilynn and the thing she did any the rest of the night. Later, when I was getting ready for bed I realized why I was feeling so uggh and it was because I realized I shouldn't have treated her that way. I had made a mistake as a mother and I was really really sorry for it. As soon as I realized this was the reason for the feeling I was having I was filled with the spirit confirming that I did not do the right thing and that I wasn't seeking the spirit to help me find a solution to this problem we've been having with her. I was so ashamed that I had scolded her that way especially to threaten to take her beloved and real comforter, her elephant. I felt scolded myself from the spirit who confirmed to me that " I know this child, I love this child and I can help you with her." I remembered then the promise I made to Heavenly Father in a prayer when I was first pregnant with Corilynn. I promised to love and care for her and to teach her the gospel and to be the best mom I could be for her. I felt now that I had not kept that promise in this instance. As a result I had had my comforter, the spirit, taken from me for a few hours making me feel so weird.

I went into her then and laid on the bed next to her. I hugged and kissed her and told her I loved her and that I was sorry. I prayed to say how sorry I was and asked Heavenly Father to bless me to know how to help her and how to be a better mother. That is when I felt the atonement of Jesus Christ comfort me. I felt the love of a Father who taught me the correct way to teach a child. I was so grateful for that chance to remember what has been done for me and my mistakes and what was done for my baby girl and her mistakes. I thought about how in 10 short hours when she woke up she would have forgotten my anger the day before and she would squeeze my neck and say "good monin, monin monin" to me. I realized that as quickly as she would forgive and forget my wrongs against her that I would be forgiven too from my Father in Heaven because that is how the Atonement works.

I am thankful for the atonement and an Elder Brother who was willing to take upon him the mistakes and sins of the world - including mine. I am grateful that he also performed the atonement for our sorrows and pains and that we only need to lay them on him and we will be healed and have peace again.

I know I am not the only mother who makes mistakes but I wanted to share this because I don't want to forget the feelings I know are so fresh right now. I am a good mother - and good mothers make mistakes sometimes - thankfully there is always a way to start over.